Behind The Legend
by Goddess Of Sugar
Summary: Darkness is creeping across the land of Hyrule, and only the Hero of Legend can save it. There's only on little problem: He's kind of clueless when it come to being a hero. Join Princess Zelda on her quest to save the world with everyone's favorite hero.
1. Two Unlikely Heroes

GOS: I felt like writing a fun story about one of my favorite games of all times. This is my first fan fic EVER so go easy on it please. I hope you enjoy.

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**Chapter 1:**

**Two Unlikely Heroes**

The smell of fire hung thick in the air. Screams of the people rang up from the village below to the castle that perched menacingly on top of the hill. A dark figure of a man loomed in front of one windows of the castle. A smirk stretched across his shadow covered face as he watched the village burn to the ground. The sounds of scuffling feet echoed towards him. Soon a small trembling armored man entered into the dim light.

"M-my Lord Ganondorf… I have some b-bad news. _She_ escaped on the last horse, b-but we did c-capture the one who helped her..." stammered the man.

Ganondorf stepped toward the guard into the pale light. His cape gliding behind him as he walked. Ganondorf was a tall fiery haired man with massive muscles. His skin was a deep tan that brought out his cold golden eyes. A large orange-red gem jutted out from the middle of his head that glinted a bit in the smoky light.

"You mean to tell me that you let one simple woman slip through your fingers and instead of going after her you can here to tell me that she is gone," he said smoothly.

He man nodded slowly, "Y-yes m'lord."

His smirk widened cruelly to reveal his pointed teeth, "Interesting… I wonder where she will go. Not matter where she runs I will find her. Now go out and find her before I decide to kill you for not going after her at once!"

The man straightened up and saluted him. "Y-yes m'lord!" and with that the man turned around and took off down the hall.

Ganondorf turned back to the window to watch a fleet of his guards charge off into the clouds of smoke, "You may have escaped for now but I will find you, Princess Zelda. Mwahahaha!"

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His malevolent laughter drifted throughout the lands of Hyrule like a dark plague. This was only the beginning of his dark grasp on the world.

Deep in the Lost Woods a white horse made its way through the thick under brush. Sitting on top was a powder blue-cloaked rider. The hood draped over the rider's forehead to cast a dark shadow on their face. A lock of golden hair curled gently out from the opening of the cloak. The horse and rider came into a small clearing in the middle of the woods.

The rider reached up and pulled off the hood to let her long golden hair fall out. Her silky hair was up in a half pony tail while the rest hung freely. A pair of long pointed ears rose elegantly from her hair on both sides. Tiny gold triforce earrings swung gently in the cold breeze that tickled the leaves of grass softly. A small gold circlet with a red gem the middle adorned her forehead. Her blue eyes gazed around the peaceful clearing luxuriously.

"Wow, what a beautiful place…" she muttered to herself.

Her horse continued walk to the other side of the clearing as its female rider looked around with wonder. The horse came across a small round blue flower towards the edge of the forest line. The horse bent its head down to sniff the strange flower. Then all of a sudden the flower grew a pair of burning red eyes as it smirked evilly revealing its piercing fangs. The strange flower snapped at the horse viciously. The horse whinnied and reared almost tossing off its rider.

"Whoa! What's gotten into you!" she looked down with shock to see the small bluish purple flower coming to life. Her eyes were wide with terror as shrubs and other flowers started to pop out of the wood work, "What in the world! Let's get out of here!"

With one swift kick to the ribs, the horse took off into the woods. The monsters began to chase after them as they dashed away. The woman rider turned around and held out a hand. Her eyes narrowed in concentration as a small ball of fire formed in front of her palm. The small flame ball flew out and exploded on contact with one of the deku shrubs. It shrieked in pain as it burned. She continued to fire off her magic attacks at the on coming monsters as her horse galloped onward. As her horse ran deeper, the forest grew thicker and darker.

The low hanging branches began to belt the back of the woman's head. She spun her head around just in time to see a large branch in front of her, but there wasn't enough time to duck out of the way. The branch crashed into her brow, crushing her circlet like a twig. The force of the impact sent the rider flying off of the saddle onto the forest floor. The woman lay motionlessly as her horse galloped away into the darkness.

Off in the nearby shadows of the looming trees was a shimmering ball of light. The little fairy gasped as she witnessed the whole incident from her safe tree nook. And with a flash she took off through the forest. Soon she came upon a small house nested in a large tree. She flew up to one of the open bedroom windows and swooped around a sleeping blond haired young man.

"Link! Wake up! We have trouble!" jingled the fairy.

Link rolled over in his sleep as he tried to bat away the small fairy, "Not now Navi. I'm sleeping. Can't it wait?"

Navi jingled angrily, "You're such a lazy young man! Don't you even care that a poor woman is in great danger!"

Link bolted up in his bed with an interested look in his eyes, "A woman? Well why didn't you say so. Let's go!"

Navi muttered to herself as Link popped out of bed, "Why is it that you are always ready when you can get the chance to play the hero, especially when there is a girl involved?"

Link heard Navi's comment as he pulled on his green tunic over his well formed body (author drools), "What do you mean by that Navi?"

Navi fluttered right in front of his face. "Need I remind you about the time with the ranch girl, Malin? And how 'bout the time when you helped that Zora girl, Ruto? Or were you too busy drooling of that Gerudo Thief woman, Nabooru?" (sorry if I miss spelled names)

Link frown as he shifted his belt on just right, "Came on now Navi. That's totally unfair! They were in trouble. What did you want me to do? Leave them?"

Navi sighed, "No, I'm just saying that you jump into action when a girl is in trouble."

He pulled on his big earth brown boots with a smile, "It's not my fault that damsels in distress always need my help. It's like they follow me."

Navi frowned as she bonked him on the head, "That's nothing to be proud of Link!" she turned for the door, "Now hurry up. That woman might be in bigger trouble now."

Link rubbed his sore head as he pulled on his green hat over his golden-haired head, "Okay, just lead the way."

On the way out of the door Link snatch his shield and his large blue sheathed sword that leaned on the door frame. Quickly he slipped down the ladder from his tree house. A chestnut horse with a black mane grazed nearby the base of the large tree. Link walked over to her and patted her neck softly.

"Come on girl, lets go." he whispered.

He mounted the already saddled horse and looked for Navi.

"This way Link!" called Navi from the forest, "By how fast you're moving, I wouldn't be surprised if she became deku food already."

Link frowned slightly but ignored her comment as he galloped after the little fairy through the deepening forest underbrush. As they grew closer to where the woman had fallen the sounds of dekus could be heard faintly in the distance.

"It's not too much farther Link, so get ready," whispered the little fairy.

Link narrowed his blue eyes as he pulled his sword from its sheath. When the first of the deku shrubs emerged from the darkness of the woods, Link lashed out with his sword and made a clean slice across its beady eyes. His eyes widened as he saw a whole horde of them gathering around a pale blue lump on the forest floor. He never had seen this many in one place before. The group turned to stare coldly at Link as he aproched them. Shouting a war cry, he leapt from His horse's back and charged into the fray. Link was greeted by a deluge of bullet seeds that the shrubs spat out. Link winced as the dense projectiles bounced off his chest and arms. Ignoring the pain, he pressed forward, dealing out heavy damage to the furious shrubs. The shrubs cringed as Link took them out one by one with his mighty sword. The few that remained after his onslaught took off into the woods.

Link smirked happily as he sheathed his sword. Then he turned his attention to the blue lump. He walked slowly over to it and bent over on his knees by its side. Gingerly Link took the limp body in his strong arms. The blue hood of the woman's cloak fell back as she was lifted into his arms. Her silky hair flowed freely as it hung in the air, revealing a swollen gash on her forehead where she had collided with the tree.

Link was stunned by her beauty as his mouth hung open a bit. Slowly his eyes scanned her over, soaking in her slender form.

"Good work, Link! It looks like she's still breathing. But that lump looks pretty bad. Lets her back to the house and fix her up," chimed Navi.

Link just sat there staring at the woman as Navi's words just bounced off him.

Nave fluttered over to Link with a frown, "Link?…. Hey! Listen! Snap out of it! We need to get her fixed up!"

Link jolted out his trance and looked up at Navi like he just noticed her for the first time, "Oh!.. Y-yeah! Lets get back."

Navi rolled her eyes as she muttered to herself, "Oh no, I know that look..."

Link lifted the woman, cradling her against his chest, bridal style, and walked over to his horse who was slowly trotting curiously to his side. Carefully he climbed back in the saddle. He held her limp form firmly against his chest so that she wouldn't fall off. He nudged his horse gently into a trot, and they gingerly made their way back through the forest.

Link looked down at the unconscious woman. Her head of golden silk danced slowly past the side of his face. The sweet smell of her hair teased his senses. He felt he was in a different world. It was like she was putting him under her seductive spell. But then they arrived at the tree house and Link came back to reality.

Navi darted over to the open door, "Lets get her in the bed so we can see to that injury."

Link dismounted with her still in his arms, "Good work Epona. You can go eat and rest up now."

She whinnied happily at Link and sauntered off to a grassy field.

Link climbed up the ladder to the tree house and made his way to the bedroom. Cautiously he placed her on the feathery blankets. Then he took off his shield and sword and leaned them on the door frame of the room. Link looked up at the side table by his bed to see that there was already a bowl of cold water and a rag sitting on it.

"Just don't stare at it! Use it!" jingled Navi demandingly.

Link sighed as he did dampened the rag, "Yeah, I know Navi. I'm not a little boy."

Link tenderly dabbed the rag over her forehead, cleaning up the blood. He rinsed out the blood-soaked rag and replaced it over her bump and left it there.

"Okay, Link, take off her cloak," Navi chimed again.

Link's face flushed brightly, "W-what! That would be wrong, Navi! S-she's knocked out!"

Navi glared, "Oh get your mind out of the gutter Link. I only meant to check for anymore wounds. Jeez... men."

Link frowned a bit, still flushing lightly, "It's not my fault that you weren't specific."

Link undid the silver clasp of her pale blue cloak and slowly pulled the sides open. Under her cloak was a purple and dark pink dress with golden shoulder armor. Sitting in the middle of her voluptuous torso was a golden triangle chest plate. Engraved in the gold was a phoenix. His eyes were glued to the symbol on her plate. It was the same picture that was painted on his shield.

"Ah, Navi... what does that symbol mean?" Link stammered.

Navi gasped as she saw the phoenix, "Oh my... that's the royal seal of the kings of Hyrule..."

Link looked back at the girl with a shocked look on his face, "You mean she's..."

Navi shrugged, "I don't know, but it's a possibility."

As they conversed back and forward, the girl began to regain consciousness. Her blue eyes scanned the strange new room. Then her eyes fell upon Link's hands that were still holding on her cloak. Her heart raced in fear as her eyes shot up to Link's face.

Link noticed movement next to him. He looked down and his blue eyes met her frightened ones.

He lend in close with a tender smile, "Oh, you're awake. Does anything hurt?"

Her face flushed as she sat up quickly. A swift hand slapped Link across his face, "Eeek! You dirty +Kappa!"

Link sat there stunned as Navi laughed wildly, "K-kappa?" his eyes narrowed annoyedly; his fairy taled vision of her shattered before him, "Listen here lady, I saved your life!"

She wrapped her arms around her torso, "Oh _sure_, and then you would want me to 'repay' you. You men are all the same."

Link sighed heavily, "Come on Navi back me up here."

Navi slowed her laugher to a dull snicker, "Oh, I'm sorry Link. It's just _too_ funny. It must be Karma!"

Link's face flushed angrily, "Now listen here-"

"Oh come on Link! You have more girls throwing themselves at you than there are +islands of the Great Sea!"

As they continued to banter back and forth, the Maiden's eyes fell upon Link's sword and shield. Seeing the crest, her eyes widened as a voice from her memory transported her through time and space.

-------------------Flashback-------------------

The castle was filled with screams of pain and horror as two figures fled towards the stables. The smaller framed girl looked up at her caretaker, eyes full of fear. "Impa, what's happening?"

The former shieka glanced down at her charge as they both raced away from their pursuers.

"Don't be afraid, Princess Zelda. The Lord Ganondorf is attacking the castle. We must flee."

Zelda nodded, breathless as the two pounded into the dusty air of the stables.

There was only one horse.

It was a white beast, already half-saddled, as if its previous rider had been in the process of leaving before he was called, or dragged, away.

Impa only paused for a moment, but the lone animal stopped Zelda dead in her tracks. "I-impa? W-what..."

The nursemaid shook her head tersely, silencing the girl. "There is no time. I can't go with you, so you _must_ listen to me. I won't be able to say it again."

Zelda nodded, eyes wide with barely contained horror.

"You must find the six sages, only they can defeat Lord Ganondorf. You can _not_ do this alone, so you've got to find help. Go to the Lost Woods, and look for a warrior who bears the royal crest. Do you remember the legend of the Master Sword?"

The princess nodded fearfully. "I-it was my favorite."

Impa nodded, lifting her onto the horse's back, "Good. You must find the warrior who wields it. Only he can use the combined power of the Sages. Here."

Impa reached into her bosom, and pulled out a golden coin about the size of a quarter. "Take this. Your father was a sage and this contains his power. Give it to the warrior, when you find him."

Zelda nodded, taking the coin and clutching it tightly. They both started at the rough shouts of Ganondorf's fighters echoes from the corridor. Not wasting a moment, Impa wheeled Zelda's horse towards the stable doors and gave it's rump a hearty whack. The horse squealed and bolted, taking off at a gallop into the night.

"Remember: I love you!"

And then she was gone and Impa turned to face her doom.

Zelda turned to give one last look towards her home, tears streaming, only to see Impa being torn to the ground by dozens of ravenous monsters.

As her horse sped off into the night, Zelda's thoughts returned to what is, instead of what had been.

--------------End FlashBack-----------------

Zelda fell limp as the realization fell upon her, "Oh no... The great hero is nothing more than a dirty kappa who lives in a tree house."

Link turned from bickering with Navi to the slumping princes, "I told you I am not a kap- Whoa! What Great Hero?"

Zelda looked at him as if for was a stupid monkey, "Don't tell me you haven't heard of the legend. _The_ _legend_ of how a mighty warrior saves Hyrule using the power of the six sages? Welding his trusty Master Sword to banish all evils in the land? Do you live under a rock?"

Link smiled, half jokingly, "No, I live in a tree house!"

Zelda slapped her forehead which she regretted later as she twitched with pain. "I don't care what Impa said about needing him to use the power of the sages. I am not taking this dumb kappa with me…"

Link's smile quickly faded, "You… need me?"

"No! Er, I mean Impa said I did because you're the only one you can used the combined force of the six sages. I've already got one of the six." the princes explained.

"The six sages? What are they?" Link sat down on the bed with new interest in his eyes.

Zelda was slightly weirded out by his new look. "Um… Well… they are six people, normally, who have great magical powers. And when they are joined as one, they can seal away evil people into a never ending prison of darkness…" Then she snapped to her senses, "But why am I telling you all this? I'm going to do this on my own to save my people!"

She rose to her feet, pulling her cloak around her tightly. Link bolted up grabbing on to her shoulder. "Hold on! You said you needed me! And that I am this 'Great Hero'"

"Although that part is debatable." Navi jingled tauntingly.

Zelda slightly turned her head back so that she could barely see Link. "No I didn't. Impa said I did."

"But you _do_ need me to use the full power of the six sages if I understand you correctly. So if like it or not, it looks like we're in this thing together." Link said with slight displeasure, but he did have a point.

Zelda sighed reluctantly, "It looks like I don't really have a choice if I want to save Hyrule, now do I?" she turned for the door. "Come on then, Kappa, we got sages to find…"

Link grabbed his sword and shield as he chased after her. "Will you stop calling me that!"

Navi sighed, hovering in the room alone, "Looks like those two will need a lot of help… and a miracle."

Navi flitted out the door to join the two unlikely heroes on the quest to save Hyrule…and…it looks like it's going to be a ruff ride.

------------To Be Continued---------

A/N: Well, that was the first chapter. I hopped you liked it. I like to repeat my previous statement about this if MY FIRST fanfic so please be nice. I have very low self-esteem about my writing, so I can't take too many bad stuff. Please take it easy. Thankx!

Kappa- means pervert

islands of the Great Sea- it's a Wind Waker reference even though it doesn't take place in the Wind Waker. It's just a little joke for those die-heart fans. Points to self


	2. Holey Exposure!

GOS: Wow! Thanks for the nice reviews everyone. It makes me feel loved (sniffle). Well I hope you like the second chapter! Sorry it took so long. I had this killer writer's block.

Dez384: In Saiyuki, they used the term 'Kappa' a lot to describe one of their friends. The foot note said that it meant pervert. And for the story plot, I'm going to have kinda the same plot as The Ocarina of Time but it's going to be funnier and I'm going to add a few new things to spice things up –Mmmmm…. spicy-.

kitkatfox: -glomps- kitkat! Yeah, I'm going to work on an anime one as soon as I'm done with this one –sigh- but writing was harder than I thought. Stupid writer's block –stabs the writers block demon-.

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**Chapter 2: Holey Exposure!**

"Are you coming or what?" Link called up to Zelda who was still standing on the top of the tree house leader.

Zelda drew a shaky breath and glared down at the blond haired youth. "Just give me a minute! This dress is hard to maneuver in!" She reached out a pair of shaking hands to the railing of the old wooden leader. "O-okay, I'm coming down now. And you better on look up of my dress you dirty kappa!"

Link rolled his eyes as he turned his back to her. "Don't flatter yourself. I wouldn't want to see your undergarments even if you were the last woman on earth."

Zelda's face flushed, partly out of anger, as she slowly made a wobbly decent. "Good! I wouldn't want a dirty kappa to look at me anyway!"

"Oh! I forgot to tell you that the seventh rung is un-" there was a loud cracking sound followed by shrill scream cut of abruptly with a wet thump. "stable….." Slowly Link turned afraid of what his eyes would fall upon. "Are you ok-AY!"

There she was. Sitting in the middle of a mud puddle with her legs sprawled far apart. Her pink skirt had fallen inelegantly into a pile around her waist. Instinctively Link's wide blue eyes tailed down her long silky legs.

"Nice catch jerk! Why are you standing there…." She noticed Link's blank expression and traced his line of sight to the point of where he stared. "AAH! Dirty Kappa!"

Link's view of her legs was cut off by Zelda's pink skirt and his eyes snapped away. "S-sorry! It was a reflex! Plus, it's not like your legs were great or anything. Er! I mean! Oh crap…"

Link was frozen to his spot in terror as the fuming princess stood with a clinch fist. "First you take your sweet time oogling my legs and _then_ you have the nerve to say that to me! Man, you're the lowest of the low!"

The forest shook by the force of Zelda's slap. A pair of black birds flew out of the canopy calling mournfully as they glided over head. Navi flitted over to the crater of a hand print on Link's cheek.

"Man, in all my years I've never seen someone slap so had to leave a dent." Navi jingled in awe. Link rubbed his sore cheek with tears of pain hidden in his eyes.

"Don't sound so amused about it, Navi! I swear this chick has gotta be a monster to hit me so hard to leave a mark like this!"

"So now I'm a monster? Well, you haven't seen nothing yet, Kappa." Zelda hissed between clinched teeth.

Link stared at the princess like a deer in headlights as she warmed up her hand for another impact. With an echoing yelp Link had a matching hand crater on his other cheek. The little fairy sighed, shaking her head.

"Well you ever learn to keep your mouth shut?" she asked, not expecting an answer.

Crater boy gave Navi an icy glared before turning for the meadow here Epona was still grazing. "Well, if you're done hitting me then lets move out." His blues eyes rolled to the back of his head as he muttered, "The sooner I can get this done the sooner I get ride of Miss Slaps-a-lot."

Zelda's eyes locked on to the single horse as Link grabbed onto the horn of the saddle. "Oh no! I'm not sharing a horse with you."

Link groaned as he mounted Epona. "Then what are you doing to do?

"You _defiantly_ know that I have legs. I can walk." She said folding her arms across her chest.

"Riding on horse back is faster than walking by foot!" Link protested.

"Okay then, let me rephrase that last statement. **_I'm walking._**" It was clear that Zelda wasn't going to change her mind. Link caved into the princess's wishes like a wet tissue.

"Fine. Then _I'm_ riding." He coaxed Epona toward the Lost Woods. "You sure are hard headed."

Zelda marched after Link, shoulders hunched, and eyes of demon-fire. _'Stupid Kappa, with his stupid horse…I bet he doesn't even know where he's going! I bet he's going to get us lost in these stupid woods, with their godforsaken trees and their pointless giant logs, and their talking bushes! I hope he trips and kills himself on his own sword. I hope his horse bites his arm off! I hope that bat monsters from the three goddesses fly down from the sky and rip off his-'_

At this point, Zelda began to take yet another trudging, mud-filled step forward, only to discover that she couldn't. Not because her leg was broken, but because the ground was no longer there. With a Keese-like squeal, she plunged into the blackness of a perfectly round hole that had been hidden by the long grass.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeee-" **thud**. Zelda landed with a painful thud in a dark cavern, surrounded by a pitch blackness so deep that it seemed to be a wall rather than a simple lack of light. She lay for a moment, dizzy and disoriented before sitting up, and looking up into the light streaming from the hole's entrance.

"**_Kappa! Get me out of here! NOW!_**" she barked, as imperious as any drill sergeant. Above her, and dim blot of blackness bent down and resolved itself into Link, crouching at the mouth of the hole.

"That's really odd. How did a perfectly round hole get out here?" Link wondered.

"I don't _care_! This isn't the time to be wondering about holes in the ground, Kappa! I'm stuck down here, so; **Get. Me. Out.**" The outraged princess ground out. _'First thing after I get out of here: he dies.'_

Link frowned down at her from his lofty vantage point. "Don't think I really feel like helping somebody who's always calling me a 'Kappa.' I have a name. It's Link."

Zelda was about to shout something hurtful and biting back at him when it hit her; 'Link.' His name was 'Link.' _'Oh, that poor oppressed boy. Wait…that's not a put-upon youth, that's a dirty Kappa! And a liar to boot! Nobody would be stupid or cruel enough to name their kid such a stupid thing as Link.''_

"You're lying! Nobody's named link! That's just stupid! Now tell me your real name, or I'll call you Kappa forever, Kappa!" She screamed up at him, red in the face.

In response, Link went red himself. "**Fine!** I'll have you know, Link _is_ my real name, and until you promise never to call me Kappa again, you can just _stay_ down there, you stuck-up brat!" Link stepped back angrily, removing himself from her sight as effectively as if her had never been there.

Down in the pit, Zelda's face crumpled. "Oh _great_! This is it, the absolute bottom! I'm stuck in a hole, being held hostage by a country-bumpkin-maniac-Kappa, who's **supposed** to be the savior of us all. I can't see how it can get any worse. As a matter of fact, it can't _get_ any worse than this." Zelda shifted her weight to one foot a huff of annoyance, only to fall to the ground with a resounding **_'CRACK-thud!'_**

"Oh…oh, no…" the fallen princess felt for her feet, to the elegantly heeled shoes that her mother had left her. The right one seemed whole, but the left…The heel portion of the graceful pink shoe came away in her hand. Zelda began to cry. "No…my shoes…"

Back in the land of light, Link looked up from the apple he had been inches away from biting into. Anticipating a long wait before the princess would admit defeat, he had tied Epona to a nearby sapling and had found some apples to munch on. "Oh, great…Now she's crying." He stood, and stepped over to look down into the hole again.

"Look, there's no use in crying, it won't get you out any sooner."

"Shut up! I'm not crying about **you**. I broke my shoe!" she held up the offending piece of footwear for his inspection.

"Uh…yeah. Your trapped in a hole by a…what was it? Oh, yeah, 'country- bumpkin-maniac-Kappa,' and your worried about your **shoes**?"

Zelda answered his statement by sending her shoe whizzing upwards to hit him with a startlingly loud '**crack**' right on the forehead.

"**_Ow!_** Listen you annoying little snot-nose castle brat-"

Zelda answered _that_ with a incandescent ball of mage-fire. It whooshed past him to impact a tree branch overhead, dieing there with a fizzle. But not before leaving behind…

"**_AHHHHH! My hair! My Perfectly Blonde Hair!_**" Link wailed, batting at his still-smoldering bangs.

Down in the pit, Zelda smirked triumphantly. "Ha! Who's worrying about trivialities **now**!"

"You didn't tell me you were a mage!" Link snapped, angrily.

"You didn't ask." Navi put in from Link's hat, all laughter carefully not showing in her voice.

"You can shut up!" Link smacked at his hat distractedly, completely missing Navi.

"I am **not!**" Zelda screamed from the hole.

Link, now that he was sure the fire was out, leaned over the hole. "Not what?"

"A _mage_, idiot! I'm a Sorceress! Well…in training, anyway."

"Right. Your still not getting out until you promise to use my name when you talk to me."

"You still haven't told me your name, Kappa!"

Link just stared at her, as if he were trying to comprehend a monument to stupidity. Very slowly, making sure to pronounce each syllable clearly and loudly, he repeated his earlier statement. "My. Name. Is. Link. Do. You. Understand. Me. Now?"

Zelda stared back in the same puzzled-annoyed fashion as he has stared at her. Eventually, Link made a sound of disgust and went back to his apple. Just as he was about to bite into it, he heard the princesses voice come up from below.

"Seriously?"

"What? Wasn't I going slow enough for you? Myyyyyyyy. Naaaaa-"

"No! I heard you!" Zelda cut him off quickly. "I mean is that seriously your name?"

"Yes." Link deadpanned dully. _'Godesses, this girl is slow. She's like a wet match on a rainy day.'_

"Your parents must have hated you a lot, to give you such a stupid name." Zelda pondered, honestly.

"Fine then! What's your name, that it's so much better than mine!"

"It's Zelda." She said primly, crossing her arms regally. "Princess Zelda of Hyrule, if you must know."

"Never heard of it." He said disdainfully.

Zelda flushed, and stared up at him wide-eyed. "That's because you live in a confusing hole-filled forest on the back end of nowhere!"

Link glared down at her for a moment before he changed his mind and smiled. Evilly. "You know, you're digging that hole _quite_ a bit deeper there, if you catch my drift."

Zelda slumped, defeated. After a moment of defiant silent, Link rolled over and reached for his apple. And, of course, just as he was about to touch it, Zelda's voice rang up from the pit, low and defeated.

"Fine. I promise. I won't call you Kappa." Her voice was soft and ashamed, like she didn't want to be heard.

Link grinned, and leaned over the hole. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

Zelda ground her teeth together. _'He just can't make **anything** easy on me, can he?'_ "I said that I promise not to call you Kappa any more."

Link leaned forward, just a bit, and his grin widened. "…and?"

Zelda looked up confusedly. "…and what?"

"What's my name?"

Zelda flushed furiously. _'asshole'_ "…Link."

Link leaned his head on one hand. "Link what?"

Zelda clenched her teeth, and smiled as best as one could while ripping out one's own toenails. "I promise to never call you Kappa ever again…Link." She said the last word as if it had been dragged from her with rusty pliers held by rabid Wolfoes.

Link smiled happily. "Now, was that so hard?"

Zelda grimaced at him, but did not answer. _'But as soon as I'm out of here…oh, just wait!'_

Link put a hand on the lip of the hole, and gracefully vaulted down to land, crouched in the perfectly round puddle of light next to the remnants of her broken shoe.

Zelda gaped at him in shock. "What the…what are you?"

Link cut her off with a gentle hand on her back. "Just trust me, this is the only way out."

Zelda flushed with sudden warmth at his touch, and blushed, but didn't let herself even _start_ to think that way. _Remember, girl. He's a Kappa, he preys on beautiful girls like you, then…but he is kind of picturesque that way…with the light all…NO! Kappa, Kappa, Kappa!'_ With that thought, she struggled free of him, and leapt back fully into the light. "I _knew_ it! You're just trying to get me alone in the dark so that you can have your way with me!"

Link slapped his palm to his head in frustration, then winced as he impacted the bruise left by Zelda's shoe. "Look, just get your mind out of the gutter for five minutes here." He grabbed her arm, and whirled her out into the darkness forcefully. Hearing the tell-tale shimmer of the portal activating, he completed the motion, using Zelda's weight to pull both of the gracelessly back into the pool of light. The light shone brightly, solidifying around them both until it was hard to see, and Link closed his eyes.

…Only to open them moments later, back where he had been for the past few hours, only now he had a rather bedraggled princess on his lap. She stared up at him, shell shocked.

"You…You mean that all I had to do was step off, then back on? That's **it**!"

Link looked up, to the side, anywhere but at Zelda. He might not look like it, but he was smart enough to know what would happen as soon as the maiden reclaimed her wits. "Yep…that's….pretty much it."

"You…that's brilliant…who told you that?"

"I figured it out. **All by myself.** I live here, remember?"

"What's that supposed to mean; 'All by…" Zelda suddenly realized exactly where she was in relation to Link. "…yourself?' Oh. My. I'm going to **_kill_** you!"

Link jumped up, dumping Zelda unceremoniously onto the ground. He looked down at her, just as he had been doing for the past hours. "Stop that, already!. I'm _not_ going through all that again. Look, it's getting dark, and because I had to go down there and get you, I have no idea which way we were facing before. Everything looks the same here, that's why they call it the '_Lost_ Woods'."

Zelda stood, shakily, and brushed assorted muck from her skirts. "Okay, you're right. Fine. What next, Ka- …uh… Link?" she hastily amended as he shot her a warning glare.

"There are _lots_ of holes around here, and you don't know where they are." Link reminded her.

Zelda stuck out her tounge at him. "Yeah? But now I know how to get out of them."

Link snorted, and replied automatically. "Don't stick out your tounge unless you planning on using it." Then he blushed, realizing what he had said. "Uh…never mind….forget I said that. _Please._"

The night had fallen, and the stars were appearing one by one. The moon rose, full and round, shining white against the satin blue-black of the night sky. Somewhere in the distance a pack of Wolfoes howled mournfully, welcoming night to the land. Time passed, and as the moon passed overhead, it looked down onto a small emcampment.

Link had made a tiny campfire, barely enough to keep out the night chill. It was his turn to guard, but the one he was 'guarding' wasn't yet asleep. Instead, Zelda sat comfortably, saddle-blanket over her knees, staring off into the shadows of the forest around her. The wavering light of the smoky campfire played across her face, causing twisting shadows, and playing the light in her hair like fairies in the spring.

She was beautiful that way, with the light nigh breeze giving her hair a life of it's on, her face serene, not angry or annoyed. Not…quite…happy, but satisfied, as if she were remembering happy things. Link knew in that moment that he had never known another girl like her.

Navi saw him staring and sighed, whispering into his ear. "So…like what you see, Kappa-boy?"

Link jerked, startled, but managed to answer the annoying ball of light with relative ease; "I could almost start to like her, sometimes, but then she has to open her **big mouth**"

Zelda looked up from her trance-like contemplation. "Say something, Link?"

"Gah! I…No. Uh…" Link swatted at Navi absently, and shifted his weight nervously. "So…Where are we going?"

Zelda stared at him solemnly, without answering, then turned back to gaze at the forest, thoughtfully. Time passed, and just when Link decided that she wasn't going to say anything, she spoke.

"The Forest Temple."

---------To Be Continued--------

GOS: I would like to give a special thanks to my friend 'Evil Ranting Beta Shrimpy' for helping me get over my massive writer's block. I couldn't have done this without you! –huggies-

A/N: I would like to dedicate this chapter title to one of the funniest Vintage Batman quotes EVER. It goes like this:

Robin: Holey exposure, Batman! I seem to have ripped my leotard!


	3. A Howling Good Time aka 'Thingy'

((Sorry, I had some trouble with this chapter laoding up. The computer added things and a whole bunch of weird stuff. So I think it's fixed now, but tell me if I missed something. Thanks!))

**GOS:** -teehee- I'm glad you all liked that last chapter. That was a killer to write. But I think I killed that writer's block demon (for now anyway).talimthewindwaker: -grins evilly- So you want them to fall in love? You'll just have to read and find out now don't we? Mhwahahaha!

**Some Say the World will END:** Don't worry. After the first few chapters the hate _will_ be turned down. Actual to tell the truth, the hate will be starting to be turned down in this chapter. It's very small though so you might not tell the difference at first. You can't rush art! –jkjk-

**Stardove:** Thanks Star for stickin' up for me. You're a great friend! –sniffles-

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Chapter 3: A Howling Good Time

A.K.A. "Thingy"

The sun glistened on the luscious green grass of a peaceful courtyard in Castle Hyrule. Impa the nursemaid sighed, and turned the page of her +trashy romance novel. She glanced down at a shout of indignation from the courtyard below, to see Zelda, her young charge looking up towards her with tears in her eyes. Impa folded the page of her book resignedly. There would be no more reading today.

"Impa! They won't let me go!" She cried.

Impa sighed and rolled her eyes, bending down to the princess' level. "Who won't let you go where?"

"The guards," she sniffled. "They won't let me go outside the castle."

"Why? What did you want to leave?"

"I wanted," Zelda said. "To go have an adventure. Like the legendary hero."

Now Impa _really_ sighed. For years she had been telling the princess bedtime stories since she was very young, and recently they had all been about the 'Legendary Hero' told of in some of the older and more obscure records of prophecies in the castle vaults.

Apparently Zelda had gotten it into her head that he was real, and that they could go on 'adventures' together.

"Zelda...I don't think..." Impa began.

Zelda cheerfully interrupted, "Impa, tell me the story again! The one about the monster of darkness who takes away all the light? The one where the hero and the princess beat him up with the master sword!" Zelda waved her hand as if holding a mighty blade and made a 'whooshing' sound to mark the blades 'too-fast-to-see' passage through the air.

"Like that!"

"Like that?" Impa said, hoping Zelda would be satisfied with only a story.

"Yep." Zelda smiled innocently up at her nursemaid.

"Alright. There is but one legend of which the people speak..." Impa began.

Zelda sat attentively on the grass, looking up at Impa with shining eyes.

"...And then, when the people had all but lost hope..." Impa continued in the story line.

Zelda leapt up excitedly, flinging both hands wide. "The hero appeared!"

Impa smiled. "Yes, as if from nowhere, clothed in-"

Zelda swirled her skirt, hands held across her heart. "-In clothes the green of fields."

"If you know this story so well, then why don't you tell it?" Impa said, annoyed.

"Oh, but you tell it better!" Zelda insisted.

"No, you do; besides, you seem to like it a lot more than I do." Impa finished. '_Especially since this is the ten-thousandth time I've told it in the past week.'_

Zelda smiled appreciatively, not noticing the sarcasm in Impa's voice. "Yeah... and the Hero... He's so handsome! One day, I'm going to go out and meet him! We'll have a great adventure, and then... I'm gonna marry him!" She cried, enthusiastically.

Impa smiled and patted her on the head. "I'm _sure_ you will..."

****

Howoooooooooooo!

Zelda startled awake at the howling of the Wolfoe, still clinging to the last cobwebs of her dream. Link was already awake, sword in hand. Epona stamped nervously from where she was tied, just beyond the light of the dieing embers of last night's fire.

_'Damn!'_ Zelda thought then, looking at Link_. 'He's no legendary hero...I feel so ripped-off!'_.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Link spoke. "That one was really close. We should leave before-"

He was cut off by a sudden increase in howling, and a high-pitched squeal, which abruptly broke off. Zelda stood up, eyes wide with fear.

"What was that?" She said tensely.

"I think it was your horse." Link deadpanned.

"My horse!" Zelda cried, outraged. "That's it! I'm going to show those stupid animals a piece of my mind!"

She gathered the blanket around her, eyes aflame with fury and dashed off into the forest, one hand glowing with the beginnings of a fireball.

"Wait!" Link cried, holding up something pink and soft. "You forgot you...tunic? This isn't a tunic...this is a... _Gah_!" Link yelped as he dropped the undergarment. _'I wonder how big her- oh God! No Link, No! **NO!** You're better than that! O.K., maybe you're not, but come one! She's bitchy already! Think what would happen if she found you looking at her...uh...+thingy.'_

He took a moment to stare down at the silky thing with a blush on his face, before looking up at the gap between the bushes where Zelda had run.

"Uh...Zelda...you...oh! I know! C'mon Epona," He cried, having _finally_ figured out what he was supposed to do. "Let's go save her before she ends up like her stupid horse."

He reached over Epona's Saddle, and clutched at the saddle horn. Epona took off at a gallop as Link swung his leg over and seated himself firmly in the saddle. They quickly caught up with Zelda when the trees thinned out to become a small clearing. Zelda stood in the center of a snarling pack of Wolfoes, her back to Link as he leapt from Epona's back. One of them leapt at her, from behind.

"Dammit!" He cried. "We've got to-"

Be was interrupted when Zelda suddenly whirled, punching the snarling beast firmly in the snout, sending it flying nose over tail. As if on signal, another of the creatures charged her from the opposite side, but was thrown back by a ball of flaming power from the Princess's open palm. She stood, posed there, glaring over her shoulder, one fist still held out from her punch, the other still trailing brilliant red mage-fire.

"...save her? What the hell? Since when can a _girl_ fight like _that_?" Link finished, Lamely.

Zelda turned to glare at him instead of the rapidly deteriorating Wolfoe pack. "What was that?"

Link held up his hands. "N-nothing! I didn't say anything!"

Zelda nodded curtly, and turned back to the pack. "Boo!"

They scattered like frightened birds, leaving behind the much-bloodied and bitten corpse of her once-proud +palfrey.

"Oh, my horse..." Zelda knelt beside her fallen steed, reaching out towards it's ruined head. Link still stood at the clearing's edge, face half-terrified, and half-awestruck.

"Uh...Zelda?" He ventured.

"Leave me alone!" She snapped.

"Look... I'm sorry about your horse...I mean, I know how I would feel If Epona got killed, but if you don't...I mean you kinda..." He trailed off, blushing.

Zelda stared at him, dumbfounded. "What are you _talking_ about? That made absolutely _no_ sense what so ever."

"I...uh... you forgot...your...y'know...that one thing." He stammered. "...back at...y'know...camp."

"What kind of baby talk is that! Speak, you idiot!"

"Your...thingy...majig..." He made motions over his chest. "Y'know...the...the thingy... that you wear...c'mon! You have to know!"

Zelda stared at him for a full moment with the oddest look on her face. The look said 'my god, I'm traveling with a madman.' then she noticed that her...feminine attributes...yeah, let's put it that way...weren't being...supported adequately. She looked down at her chest, blushed furiously, and covered them in the classic 'oh my god, my boobs!' style.

"Did you _touch_ it!" Zelda demanded. "Did you look at my-"

"Gah!" Link interrupted. "For the love of the Goddesses, _hell _no! I might have thought about it, but I didn't! I swear!"

"Thought about it!"

"Oh, crap! Look, lady! I don't know a single man on earth who wouldn't have thought about it, but I'm one of the honorable, though _stupid_ few who would not actually go through a woman's undergarments!" Link cried. "So just quit being such a high-and-mighty castle-brat, and just go _put it back on_ so that we can all move on with our lives!"

Deep inside Link's hat, Navi chuckled. _'there's no way I'm getting in the middle of **this** one. I'd like to see the end of this with my wings still **attached** to my body, thank you very much.'_

One beet-red trip back to camp and back later, Link and Zelda found themselves staring at the ground directly outside the forest temple.

"So...what's this stupid thing again?"

Zelda gritted her teeth, and with remarkable patience, explained it _again_. "I told you, This is the Forest Temple, I told you last night, and every ten minutes on our way back here."

"Not that! This thing." Link kicked at the Triforce pedestal in the grass. "It' really weird. Who makes strange symbols in the middle of the forest?"

"Don't kick it!" She cried. "That's the sacred Triforce!"

"So...we found it!" He said, sarcastically cheerful. "Let's go home!"

"You idiot! It's not the real Triforce, it's just a symbol! This is where we'll be transported to after we find the Sage of the Forest!"

Link cocked an eyebrow at Zelda. "What? By...magic?"

Zelda glared at him. "No." She deadpanned.

"Oh!" He said, as if having a huge revelation. "So it's a elevator! Why don't we just bust it in and go in the back way?" He raised his sword as if to hack it open.

"No!" Zelda cried, reaching out a hand to stop him. "You idiot, I was being sarcastic! _Yes_ by magic!"

"Well, geez..." Link told her. "Why didn't you just say so? Stupid thing!" He kicked it, grumpily.

As if in response to his 'attack' on the Triforce, the howls of Wolfoes sprung eerily up out of the forest around them.

"I **told** you not to kick it!" Zelda shouted, her hands already beginning to glow in preparation for the oncoming fight.

"Shit!" Link agreed, going for his sword.

The Wolfoes seemed to come out of nowhere, circling the pair like shaggy land-bound vultures. They snarled menacingly, snapping at Link's sword, and Zelda's skirts.

Link narrowed his eyes, staring at their weaving pattern in concentration.

"You go right, and I'll go left."

"Since when are you the boss?"

"Look, just trust me. You do the magic stuff, and I'll worry about fighting, okay?"

"I can fight!" she snapped.

"I _know_ that!" He replied. "That doesn't make you a fighter. Just...trust me. Please."

"Fine."

Almost as if they had practiced, the two broke from their stances, and rushed the circling pack. Link swept his sword up in a graceful arc that crippled the first Wolfoe he met, and carried through into a circular side-swipe that took off the heads of two of the others. He kicked off the snapping body of the crippled one, and stabbed downward to sever it's spine. He jerked his shield up just in time to block-

a blast of crimson fire. "Dammit! Watch where you're aiming that stuff!"

"Sorry! I missed!" Zelda screamed at him. "I was aiming for your face!" She whirled, sending a Wolfoe yelping into the bushes with burning fur. '_Damn these stupid Wolfoes! I was only trying to get the one that was sneaking up on his back!'_ "Hiya!" Another Wolfoe squealed in pain, and flew off in a impressively high arc into the bushed.

Zelda turned, but found that there were no more enemies to fight. Tired, she bent over, resting her hands on her knees as Link finished off the last Wolfoe with his sword.

Link looked up from his bloody kill, wiped his sword on the corpse's fur and grinned at her. "Well...That was fun."

Zelda was about to say something rude, but was interrupted by a deep rumbling boom. "What was that?"

Link's eyes went wide, and he turned to stare at the giant latticed gate they had both entered through. "Oh, hell. It's huge."

And, it was. It, being a Huge Wolfoe, a deep blue-black in color, its eyes glowed a rabid red. It was armored, with chest and shoulder plates that shone like newly spilt blood. It snarled at the, then raised it's fanged muzzle, and howled at the twilight sky above.

"Shit!" Link repeated. "I can't fight anything like that! You got any magic thingies?"

"Thingies? Magic is not a 'thingy!'" Zelda cried, breaking from her near trance-like staring at the giant Wolfoe. "Magic as an ancient art that is to be revered an-"

"Yeah, whatever! Can you fight it or not!"

"My magic's not that good yet!"

"It thought you were a sorceress!" Link demanded.

"IN TRAINING!" Zelda screamed, stressed to the max.

"Fine! I've got a plan!" Link proclaimed decisively.

"Great! What is it?" Zelda demanded.

"On three, we run."

"Oh, that's _great_. Coward." Zelda deadpanned, sarcastically.

"Fine, you stay here and distract it while I run away!" Link snapped. "Or maybe you can fight it with you magic-in-training!"

Navi decided that enough was enough. "Hey! Listen! Why don't you two stop arguing and run for your lives! I'm still trapped in this hat, you know!"

Link and Zelda glanced at each other, and their eyes met. The giant Wolfoe growled, long and low, and took one thunderingly menacing step towards them.

"On three!" Link cried.

"Okay!"

"One..." Link counted. "...Two..."

"Wait! On three or after it?" Zelda asked. The Wolfoe began to charge.

"On three!" Link shouted, panicking. "One...THREE!"

He turned and fled, with Zelda trailing him screaming. "You cheated, you stupid Kappa!"

Link grinned over his shoulder at her. "Alls fair in love and survival!" Zelda only gritted her teeth and sped up, passing him easily. _'Damn! That girl can run! In a dress! With heels on! ..err...one heel...whatever.'_

In the end, they barely made it, slamming the thick doors of the Temple shut with a slam that was only rivaled by the boom of the impact of the Wolfoe on them. Link turned, throwing his shoulder against the door, pushing with all his strength. To his surprise, Zelda hit the second door, and slowly they pushed them shut against the relentless pressure of the Giant Wolfoe's snapping jaws.

"Of course, they open inwards..." Link ground out through teeth gritted with effort. Zelda nodded, eyes closed with effort as she pushed. The snout of the beast thrust through the opening, and Zelda kicked out, catching it with her remaining heel right on it's lip. With a 'yipe' of pain, the gargantuan muzzle jumped back, and the door was shut. They both slid down the door with a simultaneous sigh of relief.

"Damn..." Link panted. "You're not what I expected. You're pretty strong, for a castle-br- uh...I mean...a princess."

Zelda grimaced at the almost-insult, but said nothing. "You're not what I expected either...I thought you'd be either a mythic warrior, or an idiot bumpkin, but that was really clever...tricking me like that."

"Yeah?" Link panted. "You aren't mad?"

"Nah. I still got here got here first."

Time stretched on in silence, as the stared at each other, each thinking the same thing as the other.

'...He's not so bad after all.'

'...She's not so bad after all.'

Suddenly, they both yelped, startled by the massive earth-shaking, dust-raising impact of the Wolfoe, and it rammed the door at top speed. The door at their backs vibrated, and opened just a fraction, straining against its claps. Link leapt up, Zelda beside them, and without a word they began to run. Soon they had gone out of earshot from the relentless pounding of the stubborn creature. They paused for breath, each leaning on opposite sides of the hallway. For a moment, they only stared at each other, then Link broke into laughter.

"That was so freaky! Haha! We were all 'whew!' and then it was all 'Bam! hehehe! and then we were all 'oh shit!' And we ran! oh my Goddesses, I thought we were gonna die!" Link laughed.

Zelda stared at him as if he were insane, then began to giggle nervously, which, much to her surprise, developed into earned belly-shaking 'oh-my-god-I-can't-believe-that-just-happened' laughter. "Yeah, that was pretty freaky!"

Link continued, "And then it's was all 'rawraw!' and then you were all 'hiya!' and it was all 'yee!' and...heheh! And you!" Link said abruptly losing his laughter. "You were really brave."

Zelda blinked. "Yeah...you were brave too." She said, blushing, if only a little.

They both trailed off, looking at each other in comfortable silence.

Of course, Navi chose _this_ moment to remind us of her presence.

"Uh...Guys? I don't want to ruin your happy moment, but you might want to look up now."

"Huh?" Link said, distracted by Zelda's eyes. "What's that?"

_"LOOK UP!"_ Navi jingled, desperately.

Both Zelda and link slowly tilted their heads up, and both of them gulped at the same time, for dangling above them, fangs dripping with venom, was a huge, ugly Skulltula.

"Oooh..." Zelda began.

"...Shit." Link agreed.

-------To Be Continued------

**GOS:** I would like to introduce my Co-Writer, 'Evil Ranting Beta Shrimpy'. Since I'm really bad at putting my thoughts to words, we teamed up and to write this chapter. I know she's a little crazy, but bear with me. She fixes all my spelling errors. If I didn't have her to help everything would be shpelld liek thsi. Not pretty.

**Shrimpy: **I a m going to completely ignore the fact that I am the 'literary chauffer' for this back-seat writer friend of mine. The ideas are all hers, but I make the flowery descriptions. And damn good flowery descriptions they are. I also do the rants. You know, all the funny bits where Link and Zelda fight and then Sugar-chan beats on me for taking all the credit for them? Yeah...I think you get the point! Anyway, I'd like to apologise for the funky titles to these chapters. We started out with the utter resolve to make deep, meaningful titles that were sweeping and descriptive. And the somebody had the idea that making funny sounding titles would confuse people. For example: What's the first thing you think about when we include references to wolves, and the word 'thingy'? Get your dirty minds out of the gutter! The chapter has nothing to do with that!

**GOS:** Okay, that's enough. I'm cutting you off there. I told you she's crazy... Well, stay tuned for the fourth chapter.

A/N:

Impa's trashy romantic book- Even highly-trained Mercenaries/Nurse-maids (and when we get down to it, what's the difference?) Need a little lovin' from time to time.

thingy- for those who don't know me, I love using the word 'thingy' to describe things I don't know what they are.

palfrey- for those who aren't educated in the ways of english (like me -sigh-) this is a highly-bred horse intended for young ladies in the higher social classes, such as the nobility. Or the very rich. Or farmer girls with too much damn time on their hands.  
-stabs Malon-


	4. A Ghost Of A Chance

**GOS:** I'm glad you liked that Zelda can like... totally wale on people. I was getting tired of people making Zelda such a 'girly girl'. I've always had this image of her being a secret tomboy. Plus, that one Seeing Stone said she was so Meh!

**Shrimpy:** I think that anyone who portrays Zelda as anything other than the rampant tomboy she is obviously missed _the entire last half_ of the game. I mean, seriously people, Sheik wasn't in there for no reason. That goes double for Tetra.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Chapter 4: A Ghost Of A Chance

"Hyah!" Link sliced through yet another Skulltula. "Damn! How many of these stupid things are there?"

Zelda stopped to pick up a bright blue rupee. "I don't know, but they collect an awful lot of rupees. If we kill enough of these things, we won't have to worry about buying food for a while."

Link sheathed his sword and nodded. They'd been in the forest temple for hours. Hell, there wasn't a window in the place, so for all he knew, it could be _days_. As Zelda pocketed the rupee, his thoughts turned to the events of the past...

When they had first entered the Temple, it hadn't been so bad. Somehow Link had gotten it into his head that this temple thing would be easy. Get in, kill things, and get out. Easy, right? Not so much. After their first encounter with Skulltula, there had been Skulltulas, more Skulltulas, and yes; you guessed it, some _more_ Skulltulas. Apparently the first one had been the Queen or something. Link wasn't sure, but Zelda had gone on and on about it in a know-it-all fashion, so he decided to agree with her, just to shut her up. Fortunately, they seemed to like shiny things, so this wasn't a complete waste of time.

"How much further?" Link grumbled.

"Just a little farther." Zelda replied.

"You said that an hour ago."

"No, I said it five minutes ago."

"Whatever."

They abruptly stopped talking as they left the convoluted passageway to enter upon...The same courtyard they had just left.

"...The hell?" Link said, confused.

"Uh..." Zelda stuttered. "I must have...I mean, just kidding! Let's go back this way!" _'Oh, Goddesses, please let this be the right way!'_

As she led them back along the passageway they had just traversed, and back along a different exit, Link had the bright idea to ask a stupid question.

"You do know where we're going, right?"

"Uh...sure! I'm the Magic expert, right?" She reassured him. "This place is definitely magic, so I'll show you the...Oops." They had come out of the passage right to the high-domed hall that they had seen upon first entering.

"So...Magic expert...great...guiding. Brilliant." Link drawled sarcastically. "What now?"

The room was wide, and vaguely circular, though the walls were not curved. Four doors exited from it, not counting the one at which Link and Zelda now stood. That one had a low balcony, surrounded by a railing, and steps that ran down to the floor. At the center was a slightly raised diadem, rectangular with a round steppe center, and four pedestals at each corner that were currently burning strange colors.

"That wasn't burning when we were here before...was it?" Link began.

Zelda mutely shook her head. Suddenly, the flames all jumped. This was not in of itself strange, except that they all did it in unison, and all in the exact same fashion. It was as if the tiny fires were alive. Both Link and Zelda stared at them in mute fascination, and once again, Link was the first to speak.

"Do...do those things look like they have..._eyes_?" He said, haltingly.

"Of course not!" Zelda said, her sensibilities threatened. "They're just flames, and we've just been down here for way too long and, dear Goddesses, they _do_ have eyes!"

The Poes, for they were Poes, slowly emerged from their flame-forms, each staring with wide leering eyes at the two intruders, each swinging a brilliantly lit lantern of the same odd color as their ghostly skin. Link shuddered under their otherworldly gaze. He felt intimidated, and he didn't like it. Taking one long step forward, he let out a ferocious battle cry. In unison, the Poes leapt back, then fled, each going to a separate corner of the room, each disappearing behind a different doorway, a different sector of the Forest Temple. Link smirked, satisfied that he'd 'shown them' for a full second before he was attacked from behind.

****

WHAM!

"Fuck!" Link cursed, turning angrily to Zelda. "What the hell was that for!"

"You idiot! You scared them away! They were our ticket to the deeper Temple!"

"Yeah, right!" Link retorted. "I bet you're just saying that so that you won't look like an idiot for getting us lost!"

****

WHAM!

For the second time in half as many minutes, Link found out just _exactly_ how strong a certain castle-brat was. Zelda stepped into his view; hand still clenched into a fist.

"You ass! If you _ever _say _anything_ like that to me again, I'll make sure you won't wake up for a _week_!" She growled.

Link nodded, eyes wide, and lifted himself to his feet groggily. _'Damn that girl can hit! I'll get her for that one, though.'_

When he had brushed himself off, they both made their way down to the northernmost doorway.

"I think the blue one when in here." Zelda said.

Link remained silent, putting his hand on the knob of the door. When it didn't turn immediately, he added greater force, grunting with the effort. "Ungh! Damn thing's locked!"

"Move." Zelda said, reaching into her bosoms, and pulled out a small packet of wire-like tools.

"Gah!" Link exclaimed. "What the heck are you keeping stuff like that in your-" Zelda gave him a dark glare, and the two lumps on his head throbbed warningly. "...Uh...Thingy. That's what I meant to say, yep. Definitely." The glare subsided as Zelda bent to work, kneeling at the doorknob like she'd been rooted there.

After a few silent moments, there was a loud 'click', and Zelda stood up. She turned the doorknob and smiled. "Good. I haven't done that in a while, so I almost didn't remember how."

Link just stared at her. "You're a pretty weird princess; you know that, right?"

The glare was back with a vengeance, and Link just sighed and followed her through the now unlocked entrance. The hallway beyond was long and twisted, it seemed to curve until the ceiling and floor were interchanged. Link swallowed, and followed the determined princess down the strange passage, trying to hold down his lunch.

"Uh...Zelda?" He ventured. Zelda said nothing. "You know...this place is really strange and...What I mean to say is...this whole Legend thing is really crazy."

He stopped speaking then, because Zelda had stopped walking. She stood, back to him, hands clenched at her sides, trembling with either annoyance, or outright rage.

"Look, you idiot, I didn't ask for this either, but we're both here, so let's just make the best of it. I know that if we just keep going, then we'll complete the Legend, and get rid of the Dark One." She ground out, teeth clenched.

"Yeah, but I don't think-" Link began.

"Shut up!" Zelda cried, finally losing her temper. "_This_ is the Legend, and _you're_ the Hero, and you're _going_ to save the land from Evil! Got it!" She whirled to glare menacingly at him.

Link, for his part, flinched, and nodded meekly. "Yes, m'am."

They continued in uneasy silence, until they came to an ornate blue door. Link poked his head hesitantly through the door. Nothing, only a small landing at the top of a long, dark stairwell.

"...Looks safe." He said.

"Then get in there!" Zelda cried, kicking him from behind viciously. Link stumbled into the room, falling directly onto his face.

"Yep. I'm trapped in a creepy ghost-infested place with violent royalty. I'm going to die here, aren't I?" He mumbled from his place in the dust.

"Get off!" Navi cried. "You fell on me you fat idiot!"

Link pushed himself up from the floor, and Navi flew up in an annoyingly sparkly fashion. He sighed, and trudged after Zelda, who was already halfway down the stairs.

"H-hey! Wait for me!" Link fell into step behind her. "This place is really creepy, y'know."

"Quit being such a baby!" Said Zelda. "You're _supposed_ to be the hero! Act brave, or at least fake it."

"No, I'm serious! I think that painting just moved!" Link eyed a painting of a blue Poe warily. It looked liked it was sizing them up for it's next soul-sucking meal.

Zelda rolled her eyes and turned towards the painting. "Look, there's nothing there. There's no painting, and there's nothing creepy. It's just a stairway in a temple, and you're a baby."

It was true, the frame was nothing but a black expanse of canvas.

"That's weird..." Link said. "I thought there was-THERE IT IS!" He pointed dramatically at the lower landing, which had just come into view as they descended the stairway. The Poe painting hung there, grinning evilly from below. It almost looked alive.

"You're right, that thing _is_ really creepy." Zelda said thoughtfully, drawing nearer. "It's...Gah!" She leapt back as the Picture suddenly disappeared, leaving behind only a blank, black canvas.

Link and Zelda exchanged shaken looks.

"Ten rupees says the painting I saw earlier is back." He said calmly.

"Fine.," Zelda muttered. "Lets go back up and see."

Link lead the way, carefully creeping up the stairwell, as if trying to catch the painting off guard. "Quit poking me!"

"Then speed it up! I'm sick of being down here."

"Shut up! I'm trying to sneak!"

"Why! It's a stupid painting! It doesn't have _ears_, you..." Zelda trailed off as the painting finally came into view. It was a blue Poe, looking frighteningly hungry. "Damn. there is a painting."

"Ten more rupees say that it's a stupid magic painting, and that you suck as the magic expert."

****

WHAM!

Link rubbed the new shoe-shaped dent in his chin. "Ow..."

"You want to rephrase that, hero-boy?" Zelda snarled menecingly.

"Uh...Please guide me in the mysterious ways of Magic?" Link asked.

"That's what I **thought** you said." Zelda stated. "Now, the Poe seems to disappear whenever you get too close."

"You think?" Link muttered, sarcastically.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Zelda snapped. "...As I was saying, it seems to disappear whenever we get close. We, meaning you, should probably hit it from far away. You _do_ have a distance weapon, right?"

"Yeah, right here," Link reached back and pulled out his longbow. "...What?"

Zelda shook her head. Some things were just unexplainable. "Can you hit it from here?"

Link pulled out an arrow, knocked his bow and shot, all within the space of seconds. "Sure no, _Holy Shit_!" the picture burst into blue flames, and the blackness in the frame beside Zelda became filled with blue, undead evil.

"What?" Zelda said, as Link gaped at her, or more accurately behind her. "Do I have something on my face?" Zelda turned, to look behind her, and jumped back as if stung. "Holy _Crap_! Get your stupid kappa butt down here! It's _coming out of the painting!_"

Link leapt over the railing in a gallant 'Robin Hood' style, landing neatly between the hastily retreating Zelda and the advancing Poe. "Get away from her!" He snarled, shaking his sword at it menacingly. The bow was nowhere in sight.

The Poe chittered malevolently at them, and advanced, swing its lantern like a weapon. Link caught the blow on his shield with a fierce clang.

"Ow!" He cried. "Damn thing's like a freakin' mace!" He dodged the next swing, striking blindly at the Poe, not really expecting his weapon to harm the see-through flesh of the ghost. Much to his surprise, it squealed, and Link felt his blade slice through the very real feeling body of the Poe. It backed away, frightened, and he lowered his shield in shock. Sensing his weakness, the Poe lunged forward, trying to bring it's heavy lantern down on our Hero's head.

"Hyah!" Link cried, and dodged gracefully away, sinking his sword into the Poe twice, now that he was ready for it. The thing screamed, then whimpered, dissolving into blue flames. Slowly it faded away, and they heard a distant clanking, as if some far away door had become unlocked. Link sheathed his sword and turned to Zelda.

"The next time I say something is creepy, will you listen to me? I might be an idiot, but I know what creepy stuff is."

"Creepy stuff?" Zelda rolled her eyes. "You _should_ know about creepy things. You're pretty creepy yourself." She walked, no _strolled_ past him, and put her hand on the doorknob.

"_Thank you for saving my life, Link!_" Link muttered in a soft falsetto under his breath. ".._.again_!"

"What was that?" Zelda shot back, half-turning to look at him.

"...Nothing," Link said, smiling innocently "Nothing, whatsoever."

"Uh-huh," Zelda drawled, as she opened the door at the bottom the stair. "Like I believe...Oh, _darn it_!" She had just opened the door right into the hall they had been through ten times before. The blue flame burned meekly in its torch.

"It's okay to cuss sometimes, you know," Link said, coming out behind her. "It's not like...Oh, _Damn it!_" He had just caught sight of the room over Zelda's shoulder. "Fucking, Bloody _HELL!"_

Zelda stared at him, aghast. "..._What_ did you say?"

Link wasn't listening, he was too busy cussing up a blue streak. "...Goddesses damn this fucking stupid place, and it's whole pointless, shitty maze of hallways and..."

Zelda grimaced, and tried not to listen to the rest. She distracted herself from Link by pacing nervously around the room. "...There has to be some other way out...I heard some kind of machinery go off when he beat that blue thing back there...has to be..." She began trying doors.

"...And the stupid shit-head Skulltulas too!" Link finished, spitting on the ground for extra emphasis.

"Link!" Zelda cried "Come over here and look at this!"

Link calmly stalked over, and examined the amazing thing Zelda had discovered. "It's a door."

"It's _Unlocked._" She patiently explained.

"Yeah, so?"

"It wasn't before!"

"Great." He said, sarcastically. "So?"

"So, this is the way we're supposed to go! **Twenty** rupees says that there's another ghost-thing"

"Poe." Link interrupted.

"What?"

"They're called Poes. Don't ask me why."

"Fine!" Zelda said, starting to get annoyed. "Twenty rupees says there's another _Poe_ down there that we...er...**you** have to fight."

"Great!" Link said, pretending to be excited. "Let's go then!"

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Three Hours Later...

Link shoved his tired way through the third door, and sat down, trying to ignore the aches and pains that fighting the violent and remorseless Poes had given him. "Are we _done_ yet?" He panted.

"Nope!" Zelda chirped cheerily. "There should be one left!"

"_Great..._" Link sighed.

"Quit whining!" She replied. "You're going to have to work a lot harder than _that_ to defeat the Evil One."

"Shut up! It's not like you did any fighting! I'm the one doing all the work!"

"You _should_ be doing all the work! You're the Hero!" Zelda placed one hand delicately on her own chest. "_I'm_ the Sorceress, remember?"

"In training!" He snapped.

"And don't you forget it!"

Suddenly, they were interrupted by a loud sob. Link and Zelda immediately fell silent, staring in shock at the sight of a brilliantly glowing, purple Poe hovering near the center of the room. It sobbed again, uncontrollably.

"Great, just great." Link muttered.

"Oh, shut up!" Zelda snapped. "At least we don't have to go chasing it down now!"

"Easy for you to say! You don't have to fight it." Link grumbled, but he stood and pulled his sword from it's scabbard with a steely sliding noise.

The Poe suddenly stopped crying, and turned to face Link slowly. It stared at him, as if trying to figure out what he was. Link walked up to it, but it just stared at him. Keeping his shield up, just in case, he edged slowly closer until he practically close enough to touch it. The Poe suddenly leapt back, voicing the same attack-chatter that the others had used, and pulled, from nowhere, a gleaming purple lantern.

"Gah!" Link flinched back, surprised, and brought his sword up to strike at the ghost, only to find a ring of chittering, identical purple Poes surrounded him. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"They're fakes!" Zelda cried from the sidelines, pointing frantically. "_That's_ the real one!"

"Which one!" Link ducked and rolled, as the Poes attacked, converging on his spot angrily.

"The...Uh..." Zelda stuttered as the Poe reformed it's deadly circle around Link. "_That_ one! Behind you!"

Link whirled, blade flashing, and struck the violet spirit squarely across its translucent shoulders. It squealed in pain, fading from sight. Link lowered his sword with a sigh, thinking the fight was over.

"Damn!" He cried. "I hate those things!"

"Link! Behind you!"

"...What?" Link turned, to look behind himself, where the Poe had reappeared. It swung its lantern in a swift arc, and Link, too startled to dodge, was caught across the shoulders by the heavy lantern. "Aaagh!"

"Link!" Zelda cried, and the Poe turned to chatter at her angrily. Link, who had fallen to the floor under the Poe's strike, moaned, as the Poe floated towards her. Growling, he pushed himself forwards and up, swing his sword viciously sideways and up, striking the Poe twice from behind before it could react. It screamed ethereally and swirled into a cloud of purple flames. the flame condensed onto the final, now-burning pedestal, and with a clank, a section of the floor dropped away. Link stepped up to the square hole, and looked down into it. It was dark.

"We goin' down there?" He asked Zelda.

"Yes," She said, stepping up to stand beside him.

"Evil Guy down there?"

"Yes."

"Right, bring it on," Link said, and stepped into the darkness.

Silently Zelda followed him, skirts billowing, and the two Heroes vanished into the shadows.

-----To Be Continued-----

**GOS:** Sorry we skipped a whole bunch, but it would get very boring very fast.

**Shrimpy:** If you want to know all the pointless details, then go play the game. -Uses hypnosis- You _want_ to play the game! You _like_ to play the game!


	5. Confessions Of Love

**GOS:** Since we have been slow on the updates, we're postin' 2 chapters. So don't be mad! Chill.

**Shrimpy:** Boss Battle time! w00t! We're going to mangle the proper order of this, so if you don't like it, then shut up! I'm not typing out that whole repetitive thing, so NYAH!

TTTTTTTTTTTT

Chapter 5: Confessions Of Love

Darkness.

It was all around them, cold and shifty, sucking the breath from their lungs in a cold rush of musty air. Link and Zelda descended into darkness, lit from above by a bright halo of light.

"Okay, I think this _whole place_ is creepy." Link told Zelda in a nervous whisper.

"Shut up! I'm not listening to your weird feelings" Zelda whispered back.

"What about the picture thing? Where the Poe was-"

"Okay, I got it! You're right. It's uber creepy down here."

"Hey, Zelda?" Link asked, as they both stared out into the darkness.

"Yes?"

"Why are we whispering?"

"I don't know!" Zelda said in a normal voice, which echoes frighteningly around the dark chamber. As if her voice had awakened something, a light appeared. It was a torch, burning orange in the dark, and beside it, to the left, another torch lit itself, and another, until they were ringed about with a circle of flaming torches. The room was now illuminated, showing eight identical paintings on each of the walls in the octagonal room. Each painting was cracking with age, and showed a dirt road leading into the distance, fenced by sickly, bare trees. The torches wavered crazily in a nonexistent breeze, making shadows jump around the room in a distinctly creepy fashion.

"Yep," Link said. "Creepy stuff, it's everywhere."

"Shh!" Said Zelda.

"Why? You already-" Link began, but was cut off by a loud scraping noise as the light from above was cut off. "Damn! Now we're stuck in here!"

****

"Mwohahahahahahaaaa!"

From nowhere, there came a deep and sinister laugh. It rumbled off the floor and echoed off the walls, sourceless and frightening. It slowly faded into silence, and the pair whirled to face the origin of the laughter, hovering behind them. It was a horseman, seated upon a midnight-black horse. The rider fairly radiated Evil, and his face was a flat, horned skull. A fearsome, frightening sight.

"It's a _huge_ skull kid!" Link said, pointing. "...Riding a _really sweet _horse!"

"No, you idiot, that's Ganondorf!" Zelda cried. "The Evil One, remember?"

"Good." Link drew his sword with a flourish. "I can beat any fool with a stupid name like that."

"You..." Zelda began. "I can't even begin to tell you how stupid that sounds."

"Hey! Listen!" Navi shouted. "It's just Ganon's Phantom! I mean seriously, his horse is on _fire_!"

"Phantom, real thing, I don't care!" Link said, facing the Phantom menacingly. "My policy is that if I hit it with my sword, it'll probably die!"

"Oh, Goddesses, you're such a _boy_." Zelda sighed, exasperatedly.

As if Link's speech had been a cue, the Phantom laughed again, pulled his horse around and galloped away...into the painting nearest him.

"Ha! He must've been scared by my awesome prowess!" Link crowed.

"He's coming back!" Navi jingled desperately.

And so he was, galloping out of multiple paintings, brandishing his phantom sword forebodingly.

"Bloody hell!" Link shouted, whipping out his longbow. "Which one is real! This is as bad as that purple thingy!"

"Left!" Cried Zelda, who had actually been paying attention, and Link shot, landing a strike directly in the flank of the half-emerged horse. Both rider and horse screamed, and the Phantom turned his horse, galloping back into the painting. Link lowered his bow, scanning the paintings, panting nervously.

"There!" Zelda cried, and he turned to where she pointed, aiming wildly.

"Which one!" He shouted tersely.

"The...uh...The right one!"

Link let fly, and again his arrow struck home, but this time, only the horse screamed. Bucking wildly, the black beast turned, riderless and ran for the hills pictured in the far distance of the painting. The Phantom rider emerged, glowing fearsomely from his vantage point high in the air.

"Take this!" Link cried, and shot an arrow strait into his chest. It struck, then kept going, flying through as if there were nothing there are all.

"Shit!" Blurted Link as the phantom hurled a ball of burning light at him. Unable to dodge, he just stood there, caught in the glare of the magical attack like a deer caught in headlights. Seemingly at the last minute, Zelda leapt in front of him, her hands aglow with violet-pink light, like a shield in front of her. The light struck her, and she cried out, pushed back into Link by the force of the attack. Her knees buckled, and she fell.

"You stupid girl!" Link told her. "Why'd you do that!"

"You're the Hero, remember? You can't die..." She protested weakly. Above them, the Phantom laughed and prepared another attack.

"Got any good ideas?" Said Link, pulling his sword up in preparation for the oncoming strike.

"Your sword," Zelda ventured. "Maybe you can reflect it back at him...if you hit it right..."

"Got it," Link said, and stood above her, ready to fight. "Hit the light, kill the guy."

And then there was no more time as Phantom Ganon's attack flew towards Link, bright and deadly.

"Hyah!" Link shouted, and swung his sword. The attack bounced off with loud ringing, like a bell that's been dropped. It flew towards the Phantom, who grinned and raised a hand...and stuck the light again, reflecting it back towards Link. Desperately, Link pulled his sword through a back-handed swing, connecting with the attack again. Reflected, the attack struck the unsuspecting Phantom. He screamed and began to smoke. Like the Poes, he was soon enveloped, and faded away to nothing, defeated.

Link lowered his sword, and turned towards Zelda, who was weakly levering herself up, leaning heavily on one of the torch-bars. "Zelda? You okay?"

"Fine," She said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Don't worry about me...I can handle it. You're not hurt, are you?"

"Tired as hell, and it's you're stupid fault." But there wasn't any anger in his words, and he pulled Zelda upright by her arm. " 'Sides, it's more important that you're okay. Any idiot can swing a sword, but you're the one who knows the stupid Legend-thingy by heart."

"The legend is not a thingy," Zelda corrected, but as Link now had his arm all the way around her shoulder to support her, she didn't protest too much. She had to admit: He was being pretty sweet, for an country-bumpkin-kappa.

"Uh, guys?" Navi interrupted. "You do realize there's a random swirling vortex in the room, now? I think it's a transporter, so you should, maybe...walk through it or something?"

Link started, realizing just exactly what he'd been doing. "Uh...yeah...Let's go."

Together, he and Zelda hobbled to the vortex and stepped inside. Light surrounded and lifted them. When The light dimmed and faded away they were in a wide and distant chamber. Water was all around, and the Hero and the Princess stood, back to back at the base of a pillar of light, at the center of a ring of pedestals. Each round platform was glowing, ever so slightly, save two. The first was a platform emblazoned with the symbol of light, but by far the brightest glowed with a soft, green light, and was stamped with the symbol of the forest.

"Wow! This place is..._really big_!" Link exclaimed softly.

"This," Zelda stated primly, "Is the Chamber Of Sages, at the center of the Sacred Realm, home of the Sacred Triforce, whish was a gift from the-"

"Geez! I got it. Blah, blah, blah, I'm a know-it-all princess." He grumbled. "It's still big. And pretty."

'Oh my Goddesses! He is such a **guy**. How can he look upon the most sacred and holy of places and react on the same level as a concussed monkey? Argh! I ought to-' Zelda thought, until a bright and cheerful voice she had never heard interrupted her slightly homicidal train of thought.

"Link? Is that you?"

She spun, in unison with Link, towards the voice. It, or rather she, was a small girl, seemingly a child, dressed in green, and with hair to match. Beside her, Link gasped.

"S-saria! I can't believe it! It been so long since I saw you..." He said, his voice surprisingly soft.

"Seven long years since you left Kokiri village, Link." The girl replied, just as softly.

"Link," Zelda growled through clenched teeth. "_Who_ is this?" _'I bet she's his girlfriend! What in the hell is wrong with him! That kappa, he was just messing with me, acting like he was worried about me, and all that! Besides she what, six, maybe seven? He makes me so angry, I'll kill him!'_

"Uh..." Link said, as if he'd forgotten about Zelda entirely. "this is...my friend, Saria. We grew up together, in the forest."

Saria tilted her head to the side cutely. "It's nice to meet you."

"Uh..." Said Zelda. "Aren't a little..._young_ to have grown up with _him_?"

"Oh, of course not." Saria giggled brightly. "I'm a Kokiri. We are children of the forest. We never age, and we never die. I'm really a lot older than Link."

"How wonderful for you." Zelda ground out. "Look, I know you two probably have a _lot_ to catch up on, but we're on a kind of important mission here...you know...to save the world, and all..."

"Of course," Saria said, smiling. Her smile was not the kind of smile a child might have, it was as old at the hills, and twice as wise. The smile said 'I see right through you, girl.' Still smiling mysteriously, Saria held out the gleaming emerald medallion. It flew up magically, in s shower of right green sparks. It floated down above Link in a ceremonial fashion, just a few inches above his fingertips. However, just as Link was about to reach it, Zelda leapt up and snatched the medallion from out of his reach.

"I'm gonna take care of this for you." She said primly.

"Hey! I'm the Hero, I'll watch the fancy magic-thingy."

"Once again, magic is not a thingy! Besides, you might mistake it for a rupee or something."

"No I wouldn't!" He protested. "Rupees aren't green!"

"Yes they are!"

"Hey! That's a pretty sweet rupee you've got there!"

"See? That's exactly what I'm talking about!"

"Aw, c'mon! I was just kidding!"

'Link hasn't changed one bit,' Saria thought warmly. "Link, I must stay here at the temple. I can't go with you."

Link broke off abruptly from teasing Zelda, as if he'd never even thought about that. "Saria...why? I missed you."

"I know, but I need to stay here to protect the entrance to the Sacred Realm. I'm sure we'll meet again, some day."

Link smiled sadly at her, and nodded. Zelda glared angrily in the background, and Navi twinkled tiredly. "Listen! We don't have much more time for this sort of thing! Let's keep moving!"

As the light began again to glow around the three travelers, Saria waved goodbye, her face sad, though she was still smiling. when the light cleared and dimmed, they were standing in the clearing, just on top of the stone triforce symbol, just as Zelda had promised. Link immediately sat down.

"Whew! I'm so tired I could sleep for a week!" He sighed, leaning back on his hands. Zelda paced angrily in front of him, looking up to the sky. Her stance was ridged, arms crossed, and very stiff.

"Zelda? What's up?"

"Just what, _exactly_," Zelda questioned, venomously. "Was all that with Saria?"

"Nothin'" Link replied, clueless as always. "We pretty much are always like that. I love her."

Zelda choked, her heart constricting. "**_What!_** She's, like _six years old_! What is it with you, some kind of **child-love fetish**!"

Link just gaped at her, holding up his hands. "Whoa, _whoa, **whoa**_! It's nothing like that!"

"Then what is it, you pervert!" Zelda cried "Explain yourself!"

"Well...I'm an orphan." Link said, then hesitated, trailing off. Zelda gave him an annoyed-frustrated look that screamed 'oh, there _better_ be more than that.'

"And, uh...my parents...my real parents, I mean, they abandoned me in the forest...or died...I never really found out. The Kokiri live in the forest, they've got a whole village and everything. They raised me. Saira's the one who found me, so she's...pretty much like my Mom, y'know. I love her."

Zelda stared at him, still full of righteous anger. slowly, she wilted as his little story sunk in. "Oh...right, then. That's...That's good. I guess that's not...Yeah. Hmm..." _'Well, great. Now **I** look like an idiot.'_

Link stood there, watching her stutter with his arms crossed, smiling up at her with a cocky expression on his face. "So, Zelda?" Said he, nonchalantly.

"Er...Yes?" She said brightly, if still a little distraught.

"Why do you care?"

"I...What? About what?" she said, all innocence.

"About Saria and me."

"Saria and _I_."

"Don't change the subject."

"Look, I'm not jealous, if that's what you're saying."

"Your words, not mine."

"What! I said I _wasn't_. Do you not understand Hylian?" She shouted, exasperated.

"Uh-huh."

"Here we go again," Tinkled Navi, floating after them as they traveled through the forest.

"Oh shit, run!" Link cried. "It's that giant Wolfoe!"

------To Be Continued-----

**GOS:** It's short. It's sweet. Woot! Go laziness!

**Shrimpy:** There, you've got your stupid chapter! Shut up now!


	6. Fun With Video Game Impossibilities

**GOS:** We got really bored when we finished chapter 5 so we wanted to do something random and silly. This was nothing to do with the actual story, this is just us being bored, and having a sugar high.

**Shrimpy:** Let me tell you, we're sorry if this isn't very funny. everything is funny at 1 AM on nothing but Soul Caliber II and Mountain Dew.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

**Chapter 5.5: Fun With Video Game Impossibilities**

Zelda and Link had been walking for...oh...hours. The forest temple was long behind them, and a few of the things she had seen there were beginning to bother her.

"Hey Link?" She asked suspiciously.

"Yeah?"

"You know your...uh...bow."

"Yep, you mean this one?" Link whipped out his bow with a flourish. "...What?"

"How," Said Zelda, staring at him. "Do you do that. It's not as if you have a pack or anything. Besides, that thing is as long as your arm. Where do you keep it!"

"I don't know. I never question these things." Link stated, calmly.

"Well, why not!"

"Mostly because I've got bombs too," Said he. "Look." Link whipped out a large bomb, fuse already sizzling brightly.

"I mean, look at that thing; it's already lit! Imagine if I questioned this stuff, and it suddenly stopped working. I've got ninety-eight more of these things," He whined. "I'd pretty much die."

"Why not a hundred?"

"I don't know...I'm not questioning these things. It's the same way with arrows, but with them, I'm afraid I'll stab myself if I try and hold more than ninety-nine."

"Holy shit, Link! Throw that thing!" Navi jingled loudly.

_**BOOM!**_

Link and Zelda were thrown violently back from the exploding bomb in a cloud of orangey-black smoke. Navi, who was noticeably more intelligent, stayed completely clear of the blast, thus escaping unharmed. Zelda picked herself up, and dusted off her skirts.

"Well, we aren't dead."

"Yeah," Link said from his place on the ground. "Doesn't that strike you are weird? I mean, my arm should've been blown off at least."

"I'm beginning to see what you mean about not questioning things." She sighed. "Link, what are those things floating above your head?"

Link looked up questioningly. "They look...kinda like hearts. Damn! Why is such a girly shape hanging above my head?"

"I think they're your health," Navi chimed, all-knowingly.

"Then _why_," Link grumbled, "Are mine **half empty**?"

"You don't want to know." piped Navi, looking at Zelda meaningfully.

"Uh..." Zelda stalled, looking for a change of subject. "Hey! I've got some too! Mine is only missing a quarter-heart..."

"This is just unfair! I'm the Hero! I should have more hearts full! I've got to fight creepy stuff!"

"Look, even half-empty, you've got twice as many hearts as I've got, so stop complaining!"

"Speaking of stopping, we should get _going_," Navi tinkled exasperatedly. "The next temple is the Fire Temple, so we should head north."

"Navi," Link asked. "How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh..." Navi jingled, hiding her extremely small copy of 'The Official Guide To The Legend Of Zelda, Ocarina Of Time,' "I'm a fairy! Fairies just _know_ these things!"

"Like the names of enemies?" Zelda said sarcastically. "I think it's a little weird, don't you?"

"Actually," Link replied. "I'm pretty used to it. Me and Navi have been together since I was a little kid. In fact, I left the village the same day we met."

"It's still weird."

"Whatever." They continued in silence for a few more minutes until Zelda found she couldn't contain herself any more.

"Link, what _else_ have you got behind that shield?"

"Uh, lessee...Um, I've got two empty bottles, a bottle with a fairy in it, some red potion, a longshot, some bombchus, this pretty scale, an ocarina, a bunch of arrows, some bombs, my bow, some money, a bunch of golden skulltula coins, my boomerang..."

"My Goddesses!" Zelda gaped at him. "How can you _fit_ it all in there!"

"Like I said, I don't question these things."

"Didn't you ever...y'know, look behind your shield or something?"

"Nope."

"...You're not at all curious?"

"Not so long as all those lit bombs stay unexploded."

"Well, I am!" Zelda leapt for him, grabbing firmly on to his shield. "I'm gonna see for myself!"

After a good deal of wrestling, Zelda did finally managed to get Link pinned down. Ignoring his loud protests, she pulled back the shield to reveal...

"Oh, my Goddesses!"

"Holy Fuck! Put it back! Put it back!"

_**We're sorry, the fanfiction you are trying to reach has been disconnected.**_

_**Please hang up and try again later.**_

_**...breep...breep...breep...breep...**_


	7. Midnight Madness

**GOS:** Since we are unable to answer your reviews, I have activated my E-Mail if you guys want to ask me questions.

**Shrimpy: **Today we make all you whiner(s) happy by turning up the love -wink- -wink-

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**Chapter 6: Midnight Madness **

The forest was, most of the time at least, a fairly peaceful place. The shadows grew in silence as the sun dipped closer and closer towards the unseen horizon. Night was coming, and all was silence and serenity.

...Except for the part about two Hyrulians barreling through the forest, screaming at the tops of their lungs... That part was...well...not peaceful in any way. Finally, the two well-worn travelers came to a place where there were no longer trees. Link practically fell over, his hands on his knees, panting.

"I...think..." He gasped out. "...We...Lost the Wolfoe...thingy..."

"Wolfoe...is not..." Zelda panted in reply. "...A thingy...stop using that...stupid...word..."

Link opened his mouth to reply, but Zelda heard not the voice of a semi-bumpkin hero, but the sharp whinny of a _very annoyed_ horse.

"That's... Pretty good...You sound just like...that horse of yours." She gasped, her breathing almost back to normal.

"Epona!" Link cried out, joyfully.

"Yeah," Zelda agreed, standing up. "That's the one."

"No, it's Epona! She's here!"

"...Didn't you leave her tied to a tree?" Zelda asked, one eyebrow lifted.

Epona whinnied again, and shook her head. There, tied to her reigns was a thick, and rather hefty-looking, piece of wood that might once have been a branch...before it was dragged through a forested wilderness by a very powerful horse. The whole scene just screamed 'pissed-off horse who's going to make you bleed'.

"Eh...Sorry about that, girl..." Link smiled, trying to get on Epona's good side. "I'll never do it again! I swear!"

Epona snorted and gave him a long, equine glare, but allowed him to get rid of the branch and mount up again. Once there, he looked down at the suddenly very short-seeming Zelda.

"Uh...crap." He said, intelligently.

"Yeah," Zelda glared at him sarcastically. "Remember me, the princesses! The _important_ princess who's horse is now _dead_!"

"Oh, no! I may be an idiot, but you can't blame me for that!"

"We _walk._" Zelda gritted, trying to keep her temple. "And, I don't blame you for her death, I blame you for being an insensitive idiot."

"I'm a guy! I can't help it!" Protested Link.

"Shut up."

...Thus it came to be that Link and Zelda found themselves camped out in the middle of a seemingly deserted Hyrule Field, sitting around a small campfire as night fell, rather than warm and safe in Karkariku village like they might have been. Link sighed, staring into the embers, and poked it with a stick.

"I'm going to bed. You take first watch." Link told Zelda woodenly, totally unhappy with the entire situation.

"What?" Zelda asked him in a sugar-sweet, fake-surprised tone. "No stupid questions? No weird country bumpkin-ness? To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Fine, be that way," Link told her. "I'll take the first watch, and you go to sleep until you're less of a priss."

"I," Zelda cried, outraged. Her teeth gritted, and she practically growled her words out when next she spoke. "I, Never! I'll show _you_ who's a priss! I'll take the first watch, and I _wont_ fall asleep like some pathetic watch-guards I might mention!" Zelda glared pointedly at Link, then stomped off to sit just at the edge of where the fire's glow touched the grass.

"Spoken like a true priss," Link mumbled to himself and rolled over into sleep.

...It would be several hours later, in the darkest time of the night, that Link would wake to the soft sound of music, filtering through the night. He raised his head, muzzily, and tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes. For a minute the hero considered putting his head back down and going back to sleep, but he discarded that thought as the music floated on. It was...intriguing, mysterious, and very, very interesting, so he pulled himself to his feet, pulled on a semi-clean tunic and headed out into the dark. He was only a few steps from the ring of light cast by the campfire before he came upon a large stone that he hadn't noticed before. It wasn't that big, really, but it had a flat top, and looked like it might be good to sit on.

...Except that there already was someone sitting there. It was Zelda, though she seemed so different now, so relaxed in the moonlight, that he could do nothing but stare for a minute. Her hair was loose, and the moon's reflected light caught it and made it shine like spun silver, her skin seemed pale and ethereal, and her face, lost in the concentrated passion of the soft, alluring melody she was playing on her ocarina...

'_She's...beautiful,'_ Link thought, his mind gone blank with the shock of it._ '...I never thought that a girl like her could be that way, but...there she is. Maybe she's not so bad, after all.'_

For a while, Link just stood there, watching her play in her simple sleeping gown, wondering at the strange transformation that had somehow snuck up on him so suddenly. Then, not wanting to interrupt the hauntingly beautiful scene, he tried to quietly back away, This didn't go so well, as Link tripped before he had gotten more than two steps.

"Oof-Fuck!" He grunted, as he went down onto his back, ankles splayed over the seat portion of his inconveniently placed saddle. Instantly, a painfully sour note struck out across the cool night air, high and shrill enough to wake the dead.

"L-link! What the heck are you doing?" She stuttered, face red with mind-bendingly powerful embarrassment. "I-I mean...uh..."

"Ow," Link told her. "I'm just wandering around in the dark, trying to kill myself and make it look like an accident."

Zelda knew it was supposed to be a joke. She did, really, it's just that she couldn't believe that sarcasm of that level of sophistication could come out of Link's mouth. She recovered quickly. "Seriously, what are you doing? I'll tell you when it's your watch."

"I know," Link said, suddenly reluctant to tell her about his real reason for waking. He shook it off, and continued. "I...woke up because I heard something...some music."

"You did?" Zelda squeaked, now an even brighter shade of red than before. "I...uh...I didn't hear anything! I swear!"

"Don't lie, I heard you," Link told her, gently. "I liked it, you're pretty good, actually. Why didn't you just _say_ that you could play ocarina?"

"...It's not exactly the kind of thing a princess is supposed to do..."

"Bullshit. Tell me the real reason."

"I...I'm not very good, okay!" Zelda blurted out, frustrated. "I don't like it when people hear me sounding like crap, so just...drop it!"

For a moment, Link just stared at her. "You're an idiot," He finally said, sounding as if he almost couldn't believe it. "I can't believe you actually believe that crap. You're **good**, real good. I should know."

"You play?" Zelda asked, surprised.

"Uh..." Link stuttered, thinking of Zelda's beautiful blue lacquered ocarina, and his own shabby off-green one. "I...uh...yeah. I'm not as good as you, and I haven't got anything _near_ as nice as that," Link pointed vaguely at Zelda's ocarina. "...But, I know how to play some things." He blushed.

Zelda looked at him for a minute, a tad bit confused about this weird new Link that talked kindly more than he cussed, and actually cared about something outside being an idiot. "Play something, then. Please?"

"I...Uh..." Link stuttered, stalling for time. "You don't want to hear me. I suck."

Zelda glare. He had heard her play, and now she wanted revenge. "Play! C'mon, you heard me!"

"Yeah...but," Link began. "No, I see where this is going! I'm not gonna do it!"

Zelda hopped off the rock and walked right up to him. "Play the song, Link," She said, pointing at him as if to poke his chest.

"Your talking all...not you-like..."

"Stop changing the subject. Please, play?" And Link was suddenly reminded of how she had looked not five minutes ago, framed by the silvery glory of the moonlight, and he felt his breath catch in his throat. She was so close that, had Link felt the need to die a horribly painful death, he might have kissed her. Slowly, he licked his lips, and opened his mouth to agree to play the stupid song, when his little reverie was interrupted by a frantic message from...Guess who? Navi!

"Uh, hey!...please! LISTEN!" The tiny fairy chimed desperately.

"Huh?" Said Link, intelligently, turning from Zelda.

"HEEEEEELP!" Cried the tiny fire-bug, too scared to even make an attempt at jingling. And well she might be, for the annoying little spark-ball was being dragged into the ground by the protruding skeletal arm of one of the nightly stalchilds.

"Holy Fuck!" Cried Link taking a shocked step back from Zelda, staring at the bony arm. All around them, more hands, shoulders and gruesome heads were rising from the laomy soil. "When did this creepy stuff show up!"

"When you were trying to get lucky with princess notices-a-lot, here!" Navi cried. "NOW, SAVE ME!"

"I was not!" Link snarled at her. "And maybe I shouldn't save you after a comment like that!"

It was at this point that Zelda decided that they were both idiots, and blasted the hand into bone shards with a quick burst of magic.

"Fighting now, being stupid later, kay?" She told them, almost cheerfully.

"...Kay," Link told her, sounding almost frightened at her creepy-happy tone of voice. He reached for his sword, then remembered that he had left it back at the now stalchild-infested camp. "Oh, crap!"

"You left the sword!" Zelda shouted as she blasted another stalchild in an incandescent ball of mage-fire. "Idiot!"

"I was a little distracted!" Link protested, but by that time, he had crushed half-a-dozen stalchild skulls with vicious kicks as he tried to get to his precious sword as quickly as possible. As he bent to retrieve it, one of the boney monsters loomed over him, but was quickly blasted away by a particularly forceful shot from Zelda.

"It's not my fault you think with your crotch!" She told him.

"Look," Link shouted at her, his voice far louder than he intended it to be and filled with a righteous sort of annoyance. "Just because I thought you were beautiful doesn't mean that I wanted to _do_ you, okay!"

For a moment Zelda thought she'd been hearing things. Her arms dropped to her sides and she stopped fighting, all ability to remember her foes driven out of her mind by Link's angry statement.

"You though I was _what_?" She asked, incredulously.

"Move it!" Link shouted, pushing her aside and bringing his sword down onto the domed head of a stalchild behind her. Zelda blinked and raised fists glowing with magical power. she decided that she's just have to kill him later.

...It seemed that they would fight forever, until the sunrise came. With the first gray lightening of the eastern sky the stalchilds suddenly began to fight harder, more reverently, as if they knew their time was coming with the rising sun. Link and Zelda knew nothing of this, they had been fighting too hard for too long to notice something as subtle as the rising sun. The sun rose, without them noticing, and as soon as it had truly risen half-way into the sky, the stalchilds that were left screamed in terror and agony and burrowed back into the netherworld from which they had come. Link collapsed unceremoniously into the ground where he had stood, Zelda beside him.

"Uh...fighting...bad..." Link moaned.

"Bastard..." Zelda agreed, hair skewed frizzily over the left side of her face..

After a nice, long interval, the both summoned up the energy to sit up strait, and Zelda started laughing.

"'S'funny?" Link asked, not even bothering to make entire words in his exhaustion.

"You!...You look like a bear ate you, and lived through it!" She giggled, hysterically.

"...'s'not f'nny. Y's'funny. You's lookin' like..." Link spent a moment to apply his tired brain to this description. "...poo..."

Zelda made a half-hearted slap at his arm, but missed and fell over onto the grass. Unfortunatly, Navi had been hovering quite near, and so the little fairy was buried under one hundred twenty-seven pounds of giggling, sleep-deprived princess.

"Okay, that's it!" the angry fairy jingled. "I hardly ever do this, but you two are in dire need, seriously." with that, Navi sent a painfully sharp burst of magical force through the bodies of both the giggling idiots. Link and Zelda both sat up, ramrod strait, and while they were still exhausted, they were now totally sober.

"Ow." Said Link, calmly.

"Yes," Agreed Zelda, just as calmly. Then, she remembered something Link had said amidst all the fighting. "What exactly did you mean...that you thought I was...beautiful?"

"I...was...uh...tired! That's it!" Link told her, blushing.

"It was at the beginning." She deadpanned.

"Uh...Well...You see...Hey! It's morning! Look at that!" Link said, pointing into the sunrise. "It's time to go find that one town...place...y'know...with the name...thingy!"

Zelda glared at him, tired, frustrated, and in serious need of a shower. "It's Karkariko Village, you moron...and it is **not** a _thingy_!"

----------To Be Continued------------


	8. The New Spectator Sport

**GOS: **I would just like to say to those of you still whining about the romance, it is coming but like the Sims if you move too fast...

**Evil Ranting Beta Shrimpy:** You're going to get smacked. Besides, it's been a total of what? Three days? Don't be stupid. This is being posted FF. net,on not Pornofanfiction. com or some random nonsense like that.

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**Chapter 7:  
****The New Spectator Sport**

It was torture, pure and simple. The world was throbbing, pain-filled example on the worthlessness of living. Bright lights blinded her atevery movement, and every sound grated upon her tender ears like iron nails across the blackboards of her eardrums. And the very worst sound was this:

"Keep up, Zelda! Geez, you'd think we were walking all day the way you whine," Link sighed exasperatedly from atop Epona. "We've barely gone ten feet! Look, you can still see where the campfire was."

Zelda glared at him through the fluffy, frizzed out puff that had once been her elegantly styled hair. "Maybe if I was riding a _horse_ I would _be_ so tired! Or maybe, if _somebody_ had let me have the second watch, then I would have gotten a decent amount of sleep!"

"Look, you're the one who volunteered for-" Link began, but was cut off by an irate Zelda, yelling and waving her arms wildly.

"But, no! I had to stay up _aaaaaall night,_ fighting those stupid skull-thingies!" She shouted at him.

"I feel forced to tell you," Link said, primly. "That they are not 'thingies,' they are Stalchilds."

"**_I don't care what they were!_**" She screamed. "I'm tired and filthy, and if I don't get a nap _and_ a bath, your going to wish you'd _never been born!_"

Link jumped back from her as if stung, eyes wide and frightened "I...uh...Yes Ma'am! You want to ride Epona to get there faster?"

Zelda turned around, eyes an angry demonic red. "I don't want to ride _anything_ with _you!_" She told him, gritting her teeth. "I'm **walking**."

"Gah! Okay, okay! Please don't kill me!"

With that, Zelda stomped off, grouching under her breath about the stupidity of men in general and country-bumpkin-kappas in specific.

"Geez," Navi muttered, just a _little_ too loudly. "What a bitch. Maybe we should let her get her get her beauty sleep from now on. Goddesses know she needs it."

"**What was that?**" Zelda asked, and and Link jumped back, hiding behind Epona's neck.

"Nothing! Nobody said anything! Beautiful weather, isn't it?" He smiled in what he hoped was a winsome manner until she turned away and continued walking. Sighing, he pulled off his hat and glared down into it at his fairy. "Shut the fuck up, Navi! You're going to get us both killed."

"But it's true!" She told him. "She really is a B-" Link hurriedly slapped a hand over the hat before Zelda could hear.

They walked in complete silence until the sun was high in the afternoon sky. Off in the distance was a fluffy green stand of trees. They waved in some slight breeze as if greeting the travelers. As they came nearer, Zelda froze, transfixed by some strange sensation fathomable to neither Link nor Navi.

"Uh...Zelda?" Link said, hoping that she wasn't going to explode in a crazy blast of homicidal magic. "...Is...something wrong?" _'please let nothing be wrong! Please let nothing be wrong! Please please please!'_

"Do you hear that?" Zelda snapped, voice full of a strange hope. "...That glorious sound?"

"Uh..." Link strained his ears, trying to hear something, but utterly failing. "_Sure_, I hear that...uh...whatever it is you want me to hear!" He smiled, trying not to let his thoughts show on his face. _'Oh, Goddesses! She's gone completely nuts!'_

"_Water_!" Zelda cried out, running ahead towards the tree-line. "Water, glorious water, cool and clear and clean and oh, wait for me my darling water! I'll love you forever and ever and..."

It was at this point that Zelda went out of hearing range, and her loud proclamations of crazed bathing faded, leaving behind a shellshocked Link and Navi.

"Okay... that was a little weird..." tingled the fairy.

"A _little_ weird?" Link snorted.

When they caught up to her she was standing in front of a calm flowing river with wide and teary eyes. "Have you seen anything so beautiful in your life?" Sheasked him, her voice filled with emotion. "It's so..."

"...Watery, yeah." Link finished for her. "Are you gonna get a bath or just look at it?"

Zelda turned her head to look at him in a slow and menacing way that was somehow more frightening than anything she had done up until now. Link suddenly regretted his previous words.

"If you even _think_ about peeking, I'll find you when you're sleeping and cut 'it' off." She deadpanned, completely serious. Link gulped and nodded, and Zelda pointed towards a row of trees not too far away. "If you let anyone _else_ peek, I'll still get you, because you're also my guard, got it?"

"Yes, ma'am." Link said, and began walking towards the tiny forested area.

"Move it!" Zelda cried, and he broke into a run.

It was a surprisingly short few moments before Zelda had undressed and was up to her waist in clean river-water. "Ahhhhhh! So nice," She sighed, dunking her frazzled hair under the water. "I don't understand how that kappa can stand himself, staying up like that...and no bath...that reminds me...NO PEEKING, KAPPA!"

From his post in the stand of trees, Link snorted to himself derisively. "I'M NOT!" He shouted back over his shoulder annoyedly. "...As if anyone would want to!"

"That's not what you said last night..." Navi jangled irritatingly.

"That was before," Link protested. "She threatened to cut off my...y'know...thingy."

Meanwhile, Zelda was gently massaging the tangles out of her hair. Mindlessly she hummed a tuneless tune, all the while thinking to herself; _'It's so peaceful and nice...If it weren't for these little breaks, I think I might end up killing somebody...' _From beneath the water, a shadowy shape emerged. Glowing yellow eyes surveyed the princess' tender flesh from the murky depths.

Back with Link, the young hero had pulled out an arrow and was using it the scrape the bark from a twig.

"Stupid girl...What is it with girls anyway? They whine and whine about being dirty, and then they take so **long**," He grumped.

"Yeaaaah," Navi sighed musically, rolling her eyes. "How rude."

"Yeah! Then it's all; 'don't look at my naked self or I'll cut off your thingy,' " He groused "What's up with that? The girl's a psycho. I mean, if it were me, I'd be done by now. It doesn't take that long to get clean."

"Not that you would know..." Navi rang.

"What do you mean?" Link asked, innocently.

"Have you **smelled** the inside of your hat lately?"

At just that moment there came a frighteningly loud shriek. Whether the scream was out of anger or fear, Link couldn't tell, but he wasn't waiting to find out.

"Shit!" He shouted, snatching his sword from its' scabbard, and dashed into the actual basin of the river itself, preparing to charge at whatever had threatened Zelda. _'Psycho-girl told me to protect her! She's gonna fucking kill me!'_

He stopped, wide-eyed and shocked, as soon as he saw her however, and immediately began making plans for a silent and speedy escape. The scene that greeted him was this: Zelda, completely nude, save thankfully for her long hair that hid two of her most important features, was beating the living daylights out of a rather...dead-looking octoroc that was twice her size with a large, flat rock. There was a patch of brown mud at the edge of the river, where rock had apparently come from.

"Take this you foul beast!" She cried, outraged. "How dare you disturb my bath! This is the _only_ time when I can relax!"

Link twitched fearfully, and a drop of blood dripped from his nose. _'holycrapholycrapholycrapholycrap!'_ He swallowed, and began to slowly back away, sheathing his sword in the process. He had nearly escaped when Zelda sighed happily, put down the rock and let the _very_ squished octoroc wash away downstream.

"Don't think I don't see you, there, Link!"

_'Shit!' _Link grimaced, covering his eyes with one hand and turning around. "Uh...I...Uh..."

"I told you what would happen if you peeped!"

_**Thud!**_

...And for several hours after that, Link knew nothing but blackness. When he came to the sky was dark and both Navi and Zelda were standing...or fluttering...over him.

"Damn!" Jingled the fairy. "That was some rock! Good shot, Zelda."

"Shut up..." Link moaned at Navi, but fell silent when he saw how angrily Zelda was glaring at him.

The princess crossed her arms furiously over chest and smiled in a way that was not at all happy. "See anything you like, _kappa_?"

"Uh..no!" Link cried, defensively. "I didn't..." He trailed off, decided that he was only digging himself deeper, and decided to change tactics. "Hey! Zelda, why don't you let me take first watch?"

The princess only glared down at him, one eyebrow raised as if to say 'is that all?'

"Uh...In fact, how about I take _all_ the watches, and you get a nice, long, peaceful nights sleep, okay?"

"Good," Zelda said, and turned away, skirts swirling.

And so, the sun set once again on Hyrule, and another day ended for Link, the hero of legend.

------------To Be Continued---------


	9. Are We Dead Yet?

**GOS:** Wow... sorry it's been awhile since the last chapter. I have busy with school with studying for ACT and writing 4 papers --.

**Shrimpy:** And I was busy playing games!

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**Chapter 8:**

**Are We Dead Yet?**

_'Well...at least it's a peaceful night,' Link thought to himself. 'The sky is green, and the poes are singing...yep...everything is just fine.'_

_Link sighed, and pushed himself into a more comfortable position against the tree he was currently sitting against. He'd been on sentry duty all night, and was honestly getting a little sleepy._

_'Wait...is the sky supposed to be green? I don't think poes sing...' Link listened to the heavenly strains. '...Like that...or wear sparkly pink tutus.'_

_The Hero's eyes narrowed as he bent all his powers of thought on this problem._

_'Wait...I'M ASLEEP!' He screamed, panic-stricken. 'Zelda will kill me!'_

"AHHHH!" Link woke, screaming. Sitting in the now quiet, poe-free night, he sighed, softly. "Okay, I don't think she heard us, Epona."

His horse gave him an equine glare, pushed her nose right next to his ear and spoke, in Zelda's cranky, angry voice. "Don't bet on it, Kappa!"

"**AHHHHHHHH!**" Link woke for the second time, into the early morning light, this time the into REAL early morning light.

Panting furiously, he stared around with wild eyes, looking for signs of another dream. Seeing Epona he scrambled back against the tree. "You better not talk!"

Epona only rolled her horsey eyes and went back to munching the grass.

Link took a few more minutes to take deep breaths and calm the desperate beating of his heart. "Whew...it's only a dream...huh?"

A little ways away, undistinguishable in the early-morning gloom, there came a second flash of white light. "Argh! I can't get this right...okay, maybe if I..."

Zelda's voice trailed off, followed by a 'poof' and a flash of white light. "Damn it!"

Link, clutching his blanket, carefully stood up and made his way silently towards the sound of her voice. "...Zelda?"

"Gah!" The princess cried, pulling the spell-book she had been working at beside the fire behind her back hurriedly. "W-what in the world are you doing, up!"

"Somebody was making loud noises...So...what are you doing?"

"Nothing!" Zelda exclaimed, clutching the book behind her protectively. "Nothing at all!"

Link glared, unimpressed. "Uh-huh...what's behind your back?"

"Nothing, so back off!"

"No way, you have to show me now...I saw you reading some kind of book!"

Guiltily, Zelda brought out the humongous, leather-bound volume. "It's just...a little spell book?"

"_Little_! If that thing's little, then Epona's a fairy!" Link cried, outraged. "Besides, if you had this spell-book all along, then why didn't you just read it and use some kind of uber-powerful spell of doom on some of those creepy things!"

Link jerked the huge spell-book away from Zelda, peering grumpily at the pages of the ancient tome. After several long minutes he looked up at Zelda incredulously. "These are _words_! No wonder you're so messed up all the time...this chicken-scratchy stuff is bound to make anybody into a psycho!"

"Give me that!" Zelda snapped, snatching back the book angrily. "These are ancient runes! The language of Magic!"

"...So? What do I care about some magic-thingy like that?"

"Once again," Zelda told him grumpily, dusting off the book's edges with exaggerated care. "Magic is not a 'thingy,' not that I'd expect a country-bumpkin like you to understand that!"

"I understand that you've been holding out on me! You stupid little girl, this is the real world! We could have both died, and you've had this...this trump card on you the entire time!" Link had taken two steps towards her as he was speaking, his face was filled with anger. Zelda almost took a step back, he was so frightening.

Then, her face turned bright red, and she stepped up, putting her angry face right up in his grill "Oh, yeah, and what do YOU know about magic, huh? I'll have you know that if I tried a spell that's beyond my abilities, I could be seriously injured, or _worse_!"

"Like how! You're not gonna just _pass out_ in the middle of a fight, are you?"

"As a matter of fact, I would!" Zelda waved her hands about furiously

"...oh," Link said, stepping back. "Well, I guess...yeah, sorry, then."

Zelda stared at him incredulously. "You really are an idiot..."

Link sighed and went to pick up his saddle. "C'mon, let's just get moving...we're sure to get to town today, and maybe even up the mountain some."

"Er..." Zelda said. "Wait, Link!"

Link turned, one eyebrow raised questioningly. "Yeah, what?"

"Wanna...see my new spell?" She asked shyly. "I've been working on it all morning."

Link 's eyebrow went even higher, but he turned and sat on the saddle on the ground. "Go ahead, why not...just don't aim it at me."

"Okay," The princess said excitedly. "It's not exactly finished yet...It's not perfect, but...well, anyway, I was thinking that when we got into town, I'd be a pretty huge target if I went in as myself-" She was cut off by a loud gasp from Link.

"You...you were actually THINKING about tactical stuff like that? I'm so proud!" He cried happily.

"Oh, shut up!" She said, shoving the heavy book into his chest before standing back. "Okay, here we go..."

Zelda's face took on a serene expression, and her hands began to glow a gentle blue. she took a deep breath, held it, then raised both hands dramatically over her head. There was a flash of white light, and a cloud of blue sparkles, and when the little dots on Links vision had cleared, he was sitting there staring at the most magnificent, gorgeous...

"Dude!" Link exclaimed, pointing at Zelda. "You look like a dude!"

And for once, in his life, Link was right, Zelda did, in fact, look like a man. Her...er..._his_ clothing was done all in blue and white. The chest of his garment was emblazoned with the symbol of the All-seeing eye, and the edges and arms of the cloth was covered in bold round depictions of muscle groups.

"Admittedly, your not a very...manly man," Link drawled, seeing the tightness of Zelda's new clothing over her new, buff male form. "...but I guess that doesn't really matter."

"I want you to cal me 'Sheik' in this form, alright?" Zelda said, then glared at him. "And what do you mean I don't look very manly?"

Completely ignoring the 'manly' response, Link had jumped back to the topic of names. "Wait, 'Sheik'? And you made fun of MY name!"

"This is the form and name of Sheik, the greatest warrior the Shiekah have ever known, and their **founding** member!"

"Well, he was a damn girly man, then...or maybe that's just you."

"I do not look girly, and neither did he!" Zelda cried, cocking one hip in a very feminine fashion.

"Er...yes, you do." Link told her "You can't walk around like that. Nobody will believe your a boy."

"Of course they will! I look like a boy!"

"Yeah, the image is perfect, but you don't ACT like a boy."

"Like how?"

"Your hips..." Link trailed off.

"What about them?"

"When you move, they go all...swingy, swingy, swingy...It's very girly."

Zelda glared at him, and took a step closer so that she could look down at him from above, like an angry mother chastising her stupid children. "I happen to disagree."

Link, on the other hand had been distracted by the realism of Zelda's male disguise. "It's so real..." He reached out a tenative hand and gave her now-within-reach chest-region a healthy prod. _Squish_, and his finger had pushed the soft, plushy flesh of Zelda's still very mamular bosom well out of shape. The now enraged princess-cum-prince glared down at him with murder in her eyes.

Dead silence reigned, as the terrified Link stared up at Sheik's furious face. The only thought running through his head was..._'Oh, Goddesses, she's got man-boobs!'_

"Link..." She growled.

"Oh," Link said, still too stunned to move his hand from her feminine attributes "So...that's what you meant by 'not perfect yet'."

"Gee," She growled, face a picture of death. "Do you think?"

One very large lump-on-the-head later, Zelda..er...Sheik, we mean, stood praticing her 'manly walk' while Link was saddling Epona and packing up camp. Son he finished, and Link mounted up onto Epona. Turning, he held out a hand to Zelda.

"Oh, hell, no, I'm not riding up there with you." She told him

"It's quicker, and your really bitchy when your tired. Just do it, alright?"

Zelda glared up at him for a moment before taking his hand a sitting side-saddle behind him on Epona. "Fine, but if you try anything, I'll hit you so hard, your little green girlfriend will feel it!"

"Like I'd every try anything on you! first of all, it's YOU, and second of all you look like a guy."

As it were, it took the entire day to get all the way to Karkariko Village. The sun was just setting as they entered the town, both tired and sore, Sheik atop Epona, as Link had gotten off to lead his tired horse when they had reached the town's limits. Looking up tiredly at the moon-and-torch-lit homes, he suddenly noticed something not right with the place.

"Ze...Sheik! Look..."

"I'm not looking at whatever interesting rock or spider or whatever it is you've found," She mumbled in her deeper disguised to be male voice, eyes closed.

"No, I'm serious, open your eyes."

Zelda raised her head, slow and weary, but as soon as she caught sight of the village and it's inhabitants, her head snapped up, fully alert. "Oh, my goddesses, it's worse than I thought..."

And it truly was bad...The once proud and tidy village of Karkariko was in shambles, dark and quite dirtier than before, hastily-made hovels crouched everywhere like starving turtles, their roofs and walls scrapped together from garbage and forest debri. The once-cobbled streets were tracts of mud and that same mud was strewn well up onto the walls by hundreds of rag-clad feet. And though this depressing, soul-killing sight was terrible, it was not the worst of it. The worst was the people. They were thin, covered in dirty or bedraggled clothing, they swept around the town, with a deep hopelessness in their eyes. These were a people lost, fugitive from their homes and businesses, betrayed by the now-poisoned land they had once called home.

"Oh, my poor people..." Zelda sighed, looking with a deep sorrow out upon the ragged and forlorn citizens of the once-mighty capital of Hyrule.

Meanwhile, Link was having his own epiphany. _'It's just like before...'_ He thought, remembering the hopeless and hunger-torn visages of peoples he had saved in the past. He remembered their fear and their loss, and seeing it now reflected in the eyes of his own people, he was deeply moved.

"Don't worry...We'll save them, Sheik." He told the disguised princess, in a voice not entirely his own. "Don't worry."

---------To Br Continued---------


	10. I Feel Pretty, Witty, and Gay?

**GOS: **I am sooooooooo sorry it's been so long since we've posted a chapter. I've been very busy with school. Oh and to all those whiners out there all I have to say is this.Yeah,yeah,yeah... I know that Link and Zelda are OOC. There is a **really big** reason why they are and if I told you why it would ruin the ending and that would defeat the purpose of reading. There is a method to my madness so just shut up and read, it will all be explained later.

**Shrimpy:** Besides, if Link and Zelda were completely in character, Zelda would be conspicuously absent, and Link wouldn't have a speaking part!

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**Chapter 9: **

**I Feel Pretty, Witty, and Gay?**

"We need a room for the night. _One_ night."

The innkeeper looked up from the paperwork he had been scribbling on at the bar. "Pardon?"

It was a small place...half bar, half short-term residency for the bedraggled former-high-class citizenry of Hyrule. The place was slightly dirty, mostly dark, but it was warm and the food was cheap and the booze was decent-quality. The Innkeeper wasn't the most moral man...he had seen quite a few strange and not-socially acceptable things in all his years as a moderately -successful businessman...but the look of the blonde lad and the tight-panted and decidedly feminine fellow now in front of him...strange couple of boys they were...well, one of them was at least...The one in the forest-green wasn't so weird, but the other one...

"I said, We need one room for the night, sir." The boy repeated politely, in a charming tone of voice that decided the inn-keep right away: This boy was **odd**.

Giving him a weird look, the man flipped open a small and greasy leather-bound book, squinting blearily at it he glance questioningly up at Link, who sighed borededly at the stubbly man. "We...uh...only got one room. It's only got-"

"We'll take it," The other said, shifting his weight comfortably under the annoyingly tight cloth of his pants.

"O...Okay..." the Innkeeper muttered, reaching below the bar for the keys. "You pay half now, half when you leave, y'hear?"

"Thank you, that will be quite acceptable," The youth said, nodding politely, and dropped a small bag of Rupees onto the bar with a gentle 'chink.'

The barkeeper shook his head incredulously as he passed the key to his new customer, and watched the two lads make their way to one of the low tables dotting the tavern-like floor of the resturaunt-like first level of his establishment. "Kids these days..."

Sheik and Link settled themselves comfortably onto the firm wooden stools around a low, circular table, signaled a waitress for two mugs of the cheap beer and soup that was common fare here, and settled down with warm food and cold drink for the first time in more than a week. Sheik shifted uncomfortably, feeling the unaccustomed itch between her...er..._his_ shoulders... That itchy-crawly feeling of someone watching you.

"It is just me...or are they all staring at us?" he asked in a low voice, nervous about the unwanted attention from so many partially-drunk and hairy men.

"Well, genius, let me see...most of these people have probably never even **seen** a 'Sheikah' or whatever is it before...no wonder they're staring...geez...great disguise, Zelda."

"Shh!" She hissed, very girly-style, then calmed down back into her male-style nonchalance. "I told you to call me 'Sheik'!"

"Yeah," Link said after taking a long draft of the cool and foamy beverage. "That's a stupid name, we've been over this."

Zelda...er..._Sheik_ opened his..._her_...mouth to say something insulting, but never got the chance. A smooth and softly curving arm snaked it's way around her manly shoulders in a way that would have been _very_ sexy indeed...had Sheik really been Sheik and not Zelda in disguise. As it were, it only served to make the secret princess cut off short in surprise and shocked dismay.

"Hey, there, hotty...You look tired...have you been traveling? Why don't you come upstairs and we'll..._relax_ those tired muscles of yours..."

Zelda opened her masculine mouth in a gaping, stunned expression at the scantily-clad woman now draping her rather voluptuous self over the princesses very convincing male shoulders, and tried to think of what to say, when there was another voice from her..._his_ other side.

"Yeah...all you need is a little...tenderness...I'm sure we can..." And the second curvaceous woman wrapped slender, sensual arms around Sheik's muscular bicep. "...get rid of **all** those..." the woman pursed her lips suggestively, "...little aches you men are always getting."

Across the table, Link drained his drink hurriedly. _'Here's trouble...better finish my drink before she explodes.'_

Calmly, Sheik placed both hands on the table, inhaled deeply, closed her...er...his eyes frustratedly and turned to the first woman with an annoyed look on her face.

"My dear woman, would please be so kind as to remove your..er...arms from my shoulders?" She delivered in her best 'icy-iceberg of death' voice, turned to the other woman and finished his...er..._her_ cruel monologue. "I have **no** interest in you...loose women as it were, and I truly do wish you would remove yourselves from my person. Or shall I _make_ you?"

The two whores backed off a few steps, dumbfounded, then frowned at Sheik grumpily. "Fine! We don't like up-tight men like you anyway!" The first girl stuck her tongue out at Sheik pertly.

"Hey, what about his friend?" The second lady pointed out. "He's pretty cute."

"You're right.." Agreed the leader apparent of the duo. Link, who had been shoveling soup into his face as fast as possible, as if a Zelda-triggered armageddon were about to happen, suddenly froze at the sensual touch of the whore-ladies.

Eyes wide, Link raised shocked and fearful eyes to Sheik's form, all-but-oblivious of the sexual propositions of the two slut-women that he normally would have been _very_ distracted by, indeed.

"Hey, there, sweetie...you're pretty muscular..." said the first, drawing a finger down the side of Link's face. "Yeah," Agreed the other, lips inches from the hero's neck, "He's _so_ strong...You're some sort of swordsman, aren't you?" The slutty woman trailed a hand erotically down Links muscular arms. "Yeah...strong," she crooned sexily into his ear, and Link's eyes widened, frozen on the spot like some sort of perverted religious statuary.

Sheik's expression went dark, and he stood, slamming both hands down in a dish-rattling, conversation silencing bang. The room went quiet, and into the deep hush Sheik spoke, low and menacing, and Link thought, a little hurt, "Listen, you two whores, you think you can come around here and do whatever you want? I hate people like you...you have no respect for yourself or for others and I have no respect for you. You're cold and stupid, and one day, you'll end up dead in a gutter somewhere." Sheik tilted her...er..._his_ head up to glare at the two women, and Link, with one malevolently burning red eye.

"Now, leave, we have no need of the questionable 'services' of two such gutter snipes such as you."

For a moment, the two Hoes stared, frozen on the spot, lost for words and shocked beyond thought. Then, their faces transformed to utter outrage in a bare second. "Fine, bastard! We didn't want to touch your ugly bodies, anyway!"

Huffily, they stormed away to the nearest male, a burly-looking guard, resuming their illicit profession there, though they both sent glaring daggers at the two travelers over the shoulder of the newest 'client.'

Link collapsed gratefully back into the comfortable slouch he had previously adopted. "Damn..." He sighed softly at Zelda. "Thanks...that was close... I didn't think they were gonna leave..."

Still standing, Sheik sighed softly, so softly that Link looked sharply up at her. "And you, you just sat there and let them do it, didn't you?"

Link swallowed, gazing up at Zelda's male, yet still strangely pretty face breathing softly. "I didn't, I mean I wasn't going to..."

"Look, it doesn't matter." The disguised princess sighed down at him. "I'm going upstairs, okay?" She looked at him for one last, long moment, eye full of anger...and surprisingly enough, tears.

Turning, Sheik strode swiftly to the stairwell and up.

Link hesitated, swirling the mostly-empty mug in his hand, then stood decisively and followed at a fast walk. At the top of the stair, he paused, looking left, then right, and saw a flash of color disappearing into a room. "Zel...I mean, Sheik? Wait..."

Down at the bar, the bar-keeper sighed, polishing a glass with two hands. "Geez...Kids these days...we never saw _that_ sort of thing in my day...guys like that are just plain...well..."

Upstairs, Link quietly pulled open the door to the room he presumed was his. "Sheik? I'm sorry I didn't mean to..."

The door squeaked open and Link peeked around the corner warily. Sheik was nowhere to be seen, but there, by the window, there stood a bright-shining vision of beauty...Framed by the silver glow of the moon, Zelda looked like she was made of spun-silver...even the tears on her cheeks were beautiful...sad, but beautiful.

Link, who had not been expecting to see the princess in her girl form, gasped at the sight, and quickly shut the door behind him...

"Look...Zelda...I'm sorry I..." Link stepped up behind her, hands twisted in nervous sorrow.

"I thought you were...different. I thought you'd at least stop them...but you just sat there like some kind of idiot...I can't believe you!" She choked back a little sob, and it showed in her voice in a way that was heartrending.

Link looked down at the ground, spread his arms in a defenseless posture and took a deep breath. "Look...I...I never had...anybody...do that sort of thing to me and...I mean, c'mon, Zelda...I'm a **guy** I'm not...I mean I just...react without thinking a lot, and it doesn't always..." Link trailed off, uncertainly. "...doesn't hardly ever...come out right..."

Zelda sighed, shaking her head. "You don't need to explain yourself. It doesn't matter anyway." She intoned, voice flat with disappointment.

"Bullshit." Link growled at her, taking her by the shoulders and turning her to look into his eyes. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and a slightly shocked expression. "It matters, it matters a hell of a lot, to you. I get it, okay? You hate people like that...with no pride and no self-respect. Well, get this; I hate people like you...who lie about what they think. If you don't like something, say so, alright?"

Zelda stared up at his serious expression, caught again by the subtle and undeniable attractiveness of Link in the moonlight...What was it about moonlight that made people look more beautiful? She looked away, still struggling against herself not to think of her traveling companion in _that way._

Link stepped back with a sad sigh, giving Zelda a slight push as he let go of her shoulders. He looked down at the ground, taking her look for rejection of his statement, and at a deeper level, Link's own self.

"Fine, be that way. Lie, cheat, hide behind whatever you want...just don't do it to me...I can't trust a person who's like that."

Zelda looked up at him sharply. That hadn't been what she had meant at all! Her eyes scrunched, and she tilted her head forward, a silent silver tear trailing it's way silently down her cheek...dripping from her chin to land with a quite 'tok' on the warped wooden floor of the bed-room.

"Hey, don't cry anymore..." Link's hand on her cheek was a shock...roughly callused yet gentle beyond what she had thought he was capable of. "I just...want you to tell me the truth..."

"No," Zelda told him, shocked once again by his looks and tenderness. "...It's not that...I..." She trailed off, heart beating so wildly against her ribs, she thought it would flutter out of her chest entirely. _'What's happening to me! I feel faint!'_

"Then...what is it?" Link asked quietly, looking down at the shorter princess. '_Damn...She's starting to get pretty...or maybe she was that way all along? Either way...I'll never understand women...'_

The silence stretched on, Link's hand smoothed gently over Zelda's features,carefully cupping her cheek...

"Uh...I really hate to cut your little moment short, guys..." Navi jangled annoyingly.

Link sighed, closing his eyes and clenching his teeth, though he didn't move his hand from Zelda's face. _'She's not punching me! This is great!'_

Zelda sighed, and turned her eyes towards the glow-ball. "What is it?" she practically growled.

"Well...heh, heh...you may not have noticed, but...there's a slight problem with the room...thought you ought to know."

"What the hell're you blabbin' abou-" Link began, but cut himself off when he turned, finally taking his hand away from Zelda. "...oh...Bloody hell...you've **got** to be kidding me!"

Zelda turned to look at the problem and sighed exasperatedly. "What! This is unacceptable! There's...only _one_."

And it was true, there was only one...one bed, that is.

"So, that's what the innkeeper meant when he said there was only..." she trailed off thoughtfully.

Link frowned, thinking about sleeping on the floor, glumly. Then, a new thought occurred to him.

"Wait..." He said in a 'oh, god' voice.

"What?" Zelda said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"We walked in here...together..."

"Yes...obviously."

"And then, we sat down and ate together..."

"Yes, Link." Zelda drawled sarcastically, old fighting spirit showing through the stress and romanticism of the moments before.

"And, then..."

"And then, we came up here, together...so what?" She sighed, hands on hips. "Get to the point."

"Think about it...two guys, and _one_ of us wearing ridiculously tight pants..."

Zelda stared at him for a full minute before it dawned on her. "Oh, Goddesses...they think we're...no wonder we were getting such strange looks!"

"And then you told off the 'Lounge Lizards'..."

"Oh, dear..."

"Yeah...we look totally gay..."

"I...oh, **dear**..." Zelda blushed furiously.

"How do you think I feel! I'm a _real_ guy! I'll **never get a girlfriend** now...damn it!"

"...You're worried about something like that, **now**!" Zelda exclaimed, strangely hurt by the thought of him wanting a girlfriend.

"Well, _duh_! What, did you think I was gonna go out with _**you**! _I don't want to be _alone _for the rest of my life!"

"What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean! What, am I not **good enough** for you, kappa!" Zelda cried, outraged.

"You've _got_ to be joking me." Link growled at her, disquietingly softly. "You're a princess, Zelda."

He shut his mouth glaring at her in the silence. The line in Link's mine was clearly drawn. There was Princess and there was commoner, and the two simply did _not_ mix. Ever.

"I live in a tree. You live in a palace. I _like_ living in a tree. You're going to grow old and have grandkids and marry some rich prince or something...I am going to die before I'm thirty...probably killed fighting something...If I even have grandkids, I'll never get t'meet 'em. For fucks sake, girl...get your damn head on straight."

"So, you think being royalty is some great thing, do you! I _hate_ being a princess! You always have to do whatever anyone tells you to, and act proper and you can't choose _anything_ for yourself." Zelda shouted, glaring at Link threateningly. There were tears in her eyes, "I'm not even aloud to pick who I marry!"

Link glared back at her, just as angry. "So, what? You think you wanna live like me, do you?"

"**_YES!_**" Zelda cried, impassioned. "Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to go on adventures! But, I was never even allowed to go outside the castle! I want to live like you! I want to be free! Not some little bird trapped in some tiny cage, to look pretty and sing for my father's court and nothing else! The only thing that kept me sane was Impa's lessons!"

Link stood silent, staring at her, letting her end her tirade. His face was grim, angry, and when she fell silent, he calmly took off his tunic with one smooth movement. His chest was...attractive, that much is undeniable...but it was not as you might expect. The wild and free life Link had led was not without it's costs, and there was a myriad of scars crisscrossing his torso.

"It's not like that," He told a wide-eyed Zelda. "It's not free or easy...I've nearly died more times than I can count...I got these scars 'adventuring' as you put it."

He sighed and looked away, sadly. "Damn, it Zelda...you're better off in the damn castle...It might not be much fun, but I'd rather you be...safe...At least in there you don't have to be scared that you'll get sick or hurt and starve before you can find help or heal enough to hunt...you have doctors and stuff...and good clothes and...nice stuff like that ocarina...Living the wild life...sucks..."

Zelda nodded, then shook her head, not sure whether she agreed with him or not. "I guess I...understand...but I still wanna be free..." She trailed off, staring at him, raking appreciatively down the well-muscled body of the Hero of Time.

"Uh...Link...?"

"What?"

"Um...no! Don't move your hand!" Zelda pointed at his hand, which had been leaning on his hip, holding the tunic, which had trailed down to cover...certain parts of Link's anatomy...

"What? It's not like I'm naked," Link groused, looking down at the form-fitting tights that he wore for their flexibility.

"You might as well be!" Zelda covered her eyes with one hand. "Geez, and you whined about _me_ having tight pants! Please, get dressed!"

"What? God, women are so damn weird..." Link mumbled, slipping back into his tunic swiftly. "It's safe to look, your majesty."

"Great, but if you guys are done with your little heart-to-heart...there's still the issue of the bed," Navi rang cheerfully.

"Oh, that's no problem," Zelda smile primly. "Link is sleeping on the floor."

"Like hell I am!" Link cried, outraged. "I got zero sleep last night, and I'm always the guy who fights things, so I'm sleeping on the fluffy bed, damn it!"

"Okay, then! But, if you come over to my side of the bed, I'll cut your eyes out!"

"Fine!" Link retorted.

"Fine!" Zelda replied angrily.

"It is," Said Link.

"I know," Said Zelda.

"Go to sleep, lovebirds!" Navi cried.

"We're not..."Zelda and Link both began simultaneously, then trailed off, glaring.

Link curled onto his side, under the blankets of his side of the bed, feeling the slight weight of Zelda's body-heat. _'Damn girl...she's so damn confusing...I could almost get to like her...but, that's stupid...she's a fucking princess, Link...it just doesn't work...'_ Link heaved a tired sigh, closed his eyes and tried his damnedest to go to sleep.

_'What the hell is he sighing about?'_ Zelda thought to herself. _'I can't figure him out...one minute he's screaming at me, and then he's sweet and gentle...he's a bastard anyway! I don't care if I'm a princess! I'll do whatever I want!'_

The sun was well down now, as darkness closed over the world of Hyrule, shadows deepening into deepest black with the darkening night. the stars emerge, and the moon rose over the heads of our two heros...who knows what the day will bring?

-----To Be Continued-----


	11. Bombs Away!

**GOS:** Thanks for all the nice reviews everyone. I didn't know we had so many fans. It makes me so warm and fluffy on the inside. I feel so loved! –sniffle- And thanks for no more whining about their OOCness.

**Shrimpy:** It felt so weird, writing that last chapter….I felt like I was in a soap-opera… Still I'm glad you all enjoyed it!

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Chapter 10:

Bombs Away!

'It's so warm here…'

She scrunched her eyes…It wasn't morning yet…it was too early to be morning. Besides, the bed was so warm…It almost felt like…

And then Zelda, Princess of Hyrule, holder of the Triforce of Wisdom, sorceress-in-training, opened her eyes unto the most amazing sight.

Link.

He was…actually pretty cute, sprawled out like that, flat on his back, one hand flung wide across the off-white sheets, and the other…wrapped warmly around Zelda's shoulders. He was, needless to say, asleep, and he had a happy little smile on his face.

There was only one problem…The warm and soft sensation Zelda had been luxuriating in, was Link…More specifically, his chest, which Zelda had (at some point during the night) rolled onto during her sleep.

Zelda took a moment to ponder the situation, took a deep, calming breath…and opened her mouth to release the loudest, most annoying scream ever to be heard in Hyrule or anywhere else.

"PERVERT!"

Link jolted awake, and before even opening his eyes fully he had rolled out of bed and unsheathed his sword, ready to fight for his life if necessary.

"Where? What is it? What's wrong!" He shouted, looking around in the same threatening way that a half-wakened bear does when emerging from its winter den.

"You pervert!" Zelda replied, throwing a pillow at him (it was the only thing in reach) and clutching a blanket to her chest protectively. "You were molesting me in your sleep!"

Link blinked the sleep out of his eyes, staring dully at the screeching princess. "What the hell are you talking about now? It's too early in the morning for this…." He sheathed the Master Sword tiredly, leaning the scabbard against the wall where it had previously been.

"You…you were!" Zelda repeated, pointing an accusing finger at our hero. "You had your arm around me and everything! And I…" She broke off, blushing.

"You sure you weren't just dreaming about it? I mean, I know I'm incredibly sexy and all, but c'mon, Princess, reign in your hormones," He teased, grinning wickedly.

"Oh, please…" Navi mumbled to herself from her perch on top of Link's folded hat on the side-table. "It's too damn early for this crap…"

"I'll reign in my 'hormones' when you keep your filthy hands off me, you perv! I'm not the one who felt up her traveling partner while she was asleep!"

"Well, I'm not the one who had an erotic dream about being felt up by my traveling partner!"

Zelda was about to say something snarky in response, but thought better of it. Princesses do not stoop to petty insults. They are better than that.Grinning wickedly, Zelda snatched up Link's hat from the table in one hand, and with the other kindled a small ball of mage-fire.

Link could do nothing but gape at her.

"You'll apologize, or I'll set this thing on fire!" She told him.

"No! Not my hat!"

"Yes!" Navi cheered. "Burn it! I hate that thing!"

"Navi!" Link shouted, outraged.

"Well, it smells bad!" jingled the fairy in an explanatory tone.

Zelda cleared her throat threateningly, waving the hat. Link sighed, rolled his eyes, and then spoke.

"What do you want?"

"Gah!" Zelda cried, realizing that Link was wearing nothing but his tights. "Put on your clothes!"

Link smirked evilly "I don't know…" He drawled, stretching out luxuriously. "I always put on my hat first, then my clothes.

"No you don't!" Navi accused. "That's just stupid."

"Shut up! I'm trying to make a point here!"

"Seriously, it would just fall off," Navi continued. "Unless…you bobby-pin it."

"I told you to shut up!"

"Oh my goddesses! You do Bobby-pin it! You are such a girly man!"

"Listen you little cockroach with sparkles, you better shut your little mouth before I pull of your wings and drop you into a cucco pen!"

"Geez…" Navi grumbled. "I was just saying…"

"Eh-hem…" Zelda interrupted. "If you two lovebirds are finished..."

"Oh, yeah…" Link said, turning back to Zelda. "Gimme my hat!"

"Not until you apologize!"

"Fine, then I'll just stay half-naked until you get sick of waiting! I'm fine with it."

"Fine, then! I'll just change into a boy! Then you'll seem _so_ gay that not only will you never get a girlfriend, you'll get hit on by **men**!"

Link sighed, and hung his head. "For the love of all that is good, I swear I don't know what you're talking about. I just want my hat back so we can go and save the people, okay?"

Zelda didn't reply, simply glared and dangled the hat a little closer to the flame.

"Fine. I'm sorry for whatever it is you say I've done, said or thought. Happy?"

"Good enough." Zelda agreed, tossing the hat at him. "Now seriously, get dressed!"

One sparkle-filled transformation sequence and a fresh, clean tunic later, Sheik and Link were dressed, awake and ready to face the dreary hell-hole the day was fated to be. Zelda, even through her disguise looked exhausted, having spent, like Link most of the night stiff-backed and tense, trying to pretend the other was not in their bed. Unlike Sheik, Link looked wide awake and fresh for the day, as if he had slept soundly all night long.

_'__Damn him!'_ She thought to herself._ 'I bet he's only acting awake to spite me!'_

"Or maybe I'm just a little more used to it than you are." Link replied.

"Gah!" Sheik flinched. "Did I say that out loud?"

"Yes." Link deadpanned.

Link slung his shield onto his back and led the way downstairs, to the place where the inn-keeper was sitting behind the bar, next to the Barkeep, who was still polishing that same glass from yesterday. The inn-keeper glanced up from his little greasy book as the two 'odd lads' came strolling over. He eyed the tight-panted one's exhausted face with bleary grey eyes.

"Eh… Enjoy yer' sleep?" he said in a falsely uncaring tone.

"Well, actually, I was up all nigh-" Sheik cut off suddenly realizing what that may imply. His-her face lit up as he flailed his arms helplessly. "Ah! I-I mean…"

The inn-keep just shook his head cutting off the flustered Sheikah. "You don't need to explain. It's none of my business."

Sheik looked down, face aflame. "I-it's… not what you think…"

Link cut her…him off with a sharp hand-motion, and dropped a small bag of rupees onto the bar in front of the man. "Here…it's the right amount, trust me."

Nodding, the Innkeeper pocketed the money. "Be seein' ya." He offered by way of a farewell.

"Sure," Link replied, then turned to leave. "C'mon."

Once outside, and out of the range of prying ears, Navi spoke up. "Oh, very smooth…I mean, honestly, you are the worst males ever."

Zelda, disguised as Sheik opened her mouth to insult the fire-bug, but was cut off by, surprisingly enough, Link.

"Hey! Shut up! You're still on thin ice from this morning!"

"Whatever you say, bobby-pin boy!"

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The town had been depressing, of course, and because of their late night they hadn't actually _left_ the town until the sun was already high in the sky. The approach to Death Mountain was steep and fraught with danger, tall cliffs and gigantic spiders.

It was also fraught with...rows of flowers.

_'So, this is the big scary Death Mountain he's been babbling about the whole way here...'_ Sheik thought to herself_. '...but at least the flowers are pretty...'_

"...and then, I went into the cave, and there were monsters and things **everywhere**..." Link continued, unnoticed by the disguised princess, "...and then...whew! This mountain seems a lot bigger than I remember. Let's take a break!"

Sighing, Sheik turned back to give the now-sitting hero the 'Evil Eye.' "You have _got_ to be joking...we just started! Quit being such a baby!"

"I'm serious! It's hot...and besides, we're pretty far up the mountain," Link thumbed the view of the not-so-distant village over his shoulder. "Look how tiny it looks...a little break won't hurt."

Sheik sighed, glaring as shetapped her foot, but as Link had already sat down for a little breather, she...er..._he_ could do _nothing_ about it. The Sheikah looked around, andspotted one of the lovely little flowers she had seen from afar earlier. It was an odd little plant, petals perched on a bulbous blue base...though the bloom itself was bright and beautiful in fiery shades of red and orange. Sheik couldn't resist the temptation to lean down and touch it.

Link, who had been staring up at the cloud-ring around the peak and reminiscing about his childhood, glanced over at Sheik when he had leaned down, but looked away again when he only seemed to be bending down for a better look. Then, concerned, Link took a double-take.

"Uh...don't..." He began, but it was too late, the princess-Sheikah had already decided that picking the plant would be a _good_ idea. She hefted the large and surprisingly heavy plant in both hands, and was now looking over at him curiously. "...What?"

Link gaped, stunned as the flower of the plant burst into bright, fizzing flames. "Throw it, you idiot!"

Sheik stared at our hero with a vaguely insulted look on her face. "What are you talking abou...Great Din, it's on **fire!"**

"Throw it, stupid!" Navi screamed, flying about erratically in her panic.

Sheik froze, staring stupidly at the flaming flower with wide, startled eyes.

"Oh, for the love of the Goddesses," Link cried, lunging towards Zelda determinedly. He hit her square in her mid-section, and she..._he_ went down like a folding chair, all breath leaving his lungs and the bomb-flower sent flying by the force of Link's impact. The bomb bounced once, like a bowling ball, and rolled heavily down the slope. Link quickly threw himself over the stunned Zelda, and Navi darted, screaming, towards the sky, trying to get out of the blast range.

****

BOOM!

The ground trembled under the force of the explosion, and Link almostrelaxed when he heard it go off, certain that it had gotten far enough away to not be dangerous.

...almost.

"...What was that?" Sheik asked Link timidly.

"That," Link told her angrily, "Was a Bomb-flower...they explode...like bombs."

"Gee," Sheik drawled sarcastically, violently shoving Link off of her masculine body. "Do you really think so?"

"Yes, I do as a matter of fact, an-" Link began irritably, but was cut off by another explosion, louder than the first. He stared at Sheik with wide eyes as this second explosion was met by a third even _more_ violent explosion, and then by a fourth... It seemed that the flames from the first blast had lit up several other bomb-flowers, and that now the 'pretty rows of flowers' were more like 'explodey rows of death' as the chain reaction traveled to effect more and more bomb-flowers.

"Oh, hell...get _down!_" Link pushed at Zelda-as-Sheik, not to the ground, but against a slightly concave portion of the rocky walls they had been walking along.

"What in the world are you...eep!" Sheik let out a very girly squeak, and Link braced them against the canyon wall and the explosions rained small boulders and rubble around his shoulders.

Link gritted his teeth against the shaking of the ground, and when all had seemed to be quieted down, he pulled back, squinted blearily through the sandy rock-dust that now billowed through the canyon. He sighed with relief.

"Navi! You okay?" He called, missing his constant companion, even if she was annoying as hell.

"Owww..." Navi moaned from where she was pinned under a fist-sized stone. Link pulled away from the stunned Sheik, and rushed to aid his fairy. He lifted the stone and chucked it away, leaving Navi dazed and relieved with one bent wing, but otherwise alright. Sheik came up behind Link as he was carefully straightening the offending wing.

"Oh-ow! Don't pull so hard...owowowowwwww!" The tiny creature complained as Link worked on her injury. "Ahhh...oh, that's much better...Good job, pal!"

"Sure," He replied with a sigh. "I might not like you, but hey...you an me, to the end, right."

"Don't get all mushy on me," jingled Navi.

Meanwhile, Sheik was recovering from his..._her _stupefied state. "Why would anyone make such a dangerous plant! I swear, none of this makes any since!"

Link turned on her with fire burning in his eyes. "The Gorons harvest these flowers to gather their food!"

She gave in a dumbfounded stare. "They eat explosions?"

"No, they eat rocks! Geez! Do you know anything!" Link said flustered.

"There are rocks everywhere...Why don't they just eat the ones on the ground?"

"Because they taste bad."

"...How...Do you know that?"

"**_I asked them_**!" Link shouted, finally running out of patience

A hurt expression spread across her... _his_ face. "Hey, it's not my fault! I've lived behind walls for most of my life!"

"Well, the next time you don't know what something is **don't touch it!**" He cried, exasperated.

Just as Zelda was about to reply, there came a low, crunching, rumbling sound. As one, our two heros turned their heads to look up the slope. There, tumbling towards them was a gigantic round boulder, obviously dislodged by the mass-explosion.

Link stared at it stupidly for a moment. "Oh, perfect...I should have seen this coming."

"Oh, crap, run!" Navi shrilled, as Link snatched her up and ran to avoid the massive granite doom, Sheik trailing behind.

"Why the heck are you running _that_ way! Shouldn't we be running **away** from certain death!" She cried as they ran up the hill.

"Just trust me!"

Link raced against the boulder, arriving at the fatal turn just seconds before the boulder did. The group sat on the ground, panting and giggling from relief.

"Okay...that was..." Link started, but stopped before he said anything insulting. "...Never mind. Hey, look! We're almost at the top."

"Great..." Sheik replied, gratefully. "I'll be glad to get out of this sun."

They stood and started forward again, and before long, a cavern mouth came into view. It was a nice, flat-floored thing, obviously made by intelligent minds rather than nature, and when Link spotted it, he immediately perked up.

"Look! There it is!" He shouted happily, racing ahead.

"What? The fire-temple?"

"The village!" Link yelled over his shoulder, not stopping to really look back.

"The village is at the _bottom_ of the mountain, you idiot!" the Sheikah yelled.

"Not _that_ village! The Goron Village!"

Link rushed into the tunnel, cheerfully ignoring his traveling companion. "I'm here! I'm back! It's me, Link!"

But he was met by nothing but echoes in the cavernous underground city of the Goron people.

"Hello? Is anybody here?" Link shouted echoingly.

Zelda and Navi came up behind him, albeit at a slower pace. "Why is it so_ empty_?" She said, wonderingly.

But nobody replied, only the echoes of her own voice, "_empty...'mpty...'pty...'ty..._"

----------------To Be Continued------------

SNEAK PEEK OF CHAPTER 11!

Hammer Time!

(Do-dodo do, do-do, do-do)

"Why is this place full of GIANT ROLLING ROCKS!"

"Oh Goddesses! I'm on fire!"

"Everybody DANCE!"

"Ohh...it's sooooo shiiiiney..."

Random giant rocks, stuff catching on fire and even _more_ explosions during the _next _chapter of _Behind the Legend_.

Navi: Will any of this crap even be in the Chapter?

Zelda: Probably not...it'll all get edited out at the end.

Link: That's stupid.


	12. Linkamation!

**GOS**: Okay everyone, once again this is a half chapter. It was nothing to do with the story. It's just us being stupid, and random. Sorry for the long break of non-chapteriness. I've been busy with school.

**Shrimpy: I**f you think this is part of the story.**..IT'S NOT**. I'm not going to sit here and read reviews asking dumb questions about this content. This scene is a _joke_ a bit of _humor_ a curtain break, for pete's sake...Haven't you ever been to a show where there's an intermission? Go to broadway, and see a random show...get some culture in you.

...or just stay at home and play video games...whatever works for you.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

**Chapter 10.5**

**Linkamation! **

Zelda and Link were walking along, peaceful and serene, when suddenly Link had the bright idea to open his mouth.

"Y'know..." He mused to Zelda "This would be so much batter if it were an Anime."

"What?" Asked Zelda, "That's the dumbest Idea...what idiot told you _that_!"

"No, seriously, hear me out!" Link held his hand up defensively.

"Fine, I'm listening."

"Okay...first of all..I want _big, pointy eyes_ like _this_!" Link held his hands to his face in demonstration.

"Oh, for the love of-"

"No, just give me a chance!"

Zelda tapped her foot, annoyed, but still listening.

"I'll get money, 'cause anime sells really well, right?"

"So does _this_ series...in case you weren't paying attention..."

"Yeah, but...it'd be better...with more...merchandising! Yeah! And people dressed up like us!"

"Yeah, that's what I _really_ want...**more **_middle-aged men,_ dressed up like you...that's _very_ attractive."

Link sighed, and opened his mouth, closed it again...then opened it to speak. "But...there is one thing that most anime have that we don't..."

Zelda sighed and turned back to Link. "What? Pandas?"

"...no..."

"Spaceships? Guns? Owls that _don't_ talk?"

"No...better than all that!"

"...What, then?"

"Well..." Link grinned wickedly. "In most anime...there's on main character...usually a guy, right?"

"Yes," The princess deadpanned. "We have that too...you're it, remember, knuckle-head?"

"Uh...yeah..but in anime, the series is usually titled after the _hero..."_

"No way! I'm not letting you have the title just because you're the hero!"

"Hey! I work my butt off, and for what? Not even a title screen!"

"You **have** a title screen, fairy-boy!"

"That's a _sub-title!_ It's **not **the same!" Link cried.

"Cry, cry, cry...you're never gonna get anywhere with that kind of attitude!"

"Hey, I'm the one running around at the bottom of the screen...I want a Title! And look at this new one...'_Twilight Princess_'! They're giving you a Title **and** a subtitle!"

"Whiney!"

"Greedy"

"Kappa!"

"Brat!"

"Guys!" Navi jangled annoyingly. "Shut up! It doesn't matter who gets the title...geez..."

They continued in silence for a moment...until Link snickered. Zelda let it go, for a time, but as they went along, the snickering grew louder until it was giggling, then full-bellied laughing.

"What is wrong with you _now_?" Zelda sighed at him.

"I just realized the _best_ thing that anime has, that we don't."

"Like what?"

"**Tons** of hot babes!"

"...you..." Zelda stared at him dumbfounded. "You're an _idiot_!"

"I'd have _all_ the attractive women after me..in cute little sailor skirts!"

"You already have half the female population of the game after you...what more can you want, Kappa?"

"Well..in anime...all the women have these _humongous,** jiggling**-_" Link began.

"OKAY!" Zelda cried, cutting him off. "Hey! What's wrong with **me**, then!"

"You're boobs are too small."

"I'm a thirty-six 'C'!" Zelda cried, outraged.

"In anime terms," Link told her demurely. "That's barely an 'A' cup."

"You...perverted monster!" Zelda screeched, reaching into an indefinable place behind her. "If you want to be 'anime' so badly, I'll _show_ you how I'd be in an anime universe!" Pulling her hand back from where she had been reaching, Zelda revealed her 'anime-style' weapon of choice: The '**Mallet o' Fairy-Killing**.'

"I do believe I'm going to enjoy this..." She grinned evily down at him.

"Oh, dear Goddesses..."

---------Meanwhile, at the Tendo Dojo--------

"Hey, Akane," Ranma asked. "Where's that Mallet you're always carrying around?"

Akane smiled, looking up from her book. "I lent it to a friend."

--------Back with our heroes---------

Link had never felt such pain as he was reduced to a scrumming pile of elf-goo.

"Y'know," Zelda smiled from above his prone form. "I think you're right...I like Anime!"


	13. Hammer Time!

**GOS: **Sorry it took FOREVER for a new chapter to come, but you're wait is up! Chapter 11 is here! You can all rejoice!

**Shrimpy: **Except the real question is: Will it be a cliffhanger? Will we even _get _to the boss battle! Or, will we just hint at romance and string you along until the end of the chapter. And then give you nothing gratifying _mwoohoohoohahahahaaaa!_

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

**Chapter 11:  
****Hammer Time!  
****(do, do-do do, do-do, do-do)**

_Hello?"_ Link called into the great emptiness of the Goron city. There was no reply but the soulless echoes of his own voice, bouncing uselessly from the empty warren-like maze of corridors and stairwells, swallowed into the great wide bowl of the center-ground of the city, vibrated the fire-sconces on the bottom level and was gone. Link suddenly felt small and alone among the living stone of the underground city.

"Uh, Link?" Zelda put in from behind him. "It's just a big, empty cavern...who are you yelling for?"

"The...The Gorons...they live here," Link told her dejectedly. "They used to, at least. I saved 'em a long time ago, and they always were real nice to me."

"Let me get this straight; A country-bumpkin k-" Zelda began, but quickly corrected herself at Link's warning glare. "..._Kid_...saved an entire _race_ of people? Riiiight..." The disguised princess glanced at Navi. "Is he for real?"

The little blue fairy, for once in her life, supported her partner. "You better believe it, girly. He's not much to look at..." Navi smirked at the still-glaring Link over her tiny shoulder. "...But this kid's been places and seen things you couldn't imagine."

"_Okay,_" Link said decisively, annoyed at the turn of conversation. "Let's just...er...split up or something...and look for signs of life. Something happened here and I'm not-_ow! _" Link tripped, falling flat on his nose...over a rolling, tumbling round little boulder, that continued moving well after it had bowled Link into the dusty rock floor.

"What in the world..." Zelda-as-Shiek wondered, staring dumbfounded at the self-rolling boulder. "That rock is _alive!"_

"What?" Link yelped, scrambling to his feet, eyes fixed unerringly on the retreating roundlet of the young Goron. "It's...a Goron! Hey! Hey, you...uh...brother, wait!" The hero took off running before he was even all the way standing, using his hands on the wall to give him an extra boost.

It wasn't too terribly long before the little Goron heard him...and sped up. Link redoubled his efforts to catch the young one, and managed to get him trapped in one of the many odd corners and dead-ends that the maze of a city contained. The youth bounced loudly off the wall, rolled to a stop...seemed to consider his options, then unrolled into a child's version of a fighting stance. His little brown arms were up in front of his face, and he was trembling in fear...not to mention that his feet were all wrong. Link grinned down at the kid and bent to bring his face closer. The young Goron responded by taking a small step backward and snarling cutely.

"Hey, there...don't be scared," Link began, reaching towards the child, but the little one cut him off angrily.

"Get out of here! You're not taking me away too! I'm the son of Chief Darunia, and my dad'll smash you into little pieces!" He growled a gravely little growl at Link, as Zelda came up behind the hero, smiling reassuringly at the youth.

"It's okay, don't be afraid. We're not going to hurt you." Sheik told the Goron soothingly.

"I already said that," Link told her, offhandedly. Sheik ignored him, too busy trying to win over the Goron to spare him an insult.

The little one, for his part, was staring up at Sheik with an expression that was a mix of hero-worship and fanboy-ism. "You..._Wow!_ You're a Shiekah, just like in the stories! That's so _awesome!_ I can tell," He told Sheik knowledgeably. "'Cause you're wearing the symbol of the Eye of Truth!"

"That's right...you're pretty smart!" Sheik kneeled in front of the little Goron. "Have you heard of the Legend of the Hero of Time?"

"Yeah!" The Goron cried enthusiastically, leaning towards Sheik. Link sighed and leaned against the wall, unhappily; _another_ legend buff! Unheeding, the little Goron-kid continued. "It's my favorite one, where the Hero takes the Master Sword and slays the evil darkness and saves the _whole world!_ "

"Yeah!" Sheik grinned, becoming as suddenly engrossed in her favorite topic as any nerd ever was. "And he has to travel to all the different lands and find all the sages..."

"Ah-_hem_!" Link coughed, impolitely from his seat against the wall. "This is all very fascinating, but...I still need know what happened to all the Gorons."

"Oh, right..." Sheik looked at Link, then back at the kid. "What's your name, huh?"

The Goron blinked up at the disguised princess, then grinned in a very bad imitation of a crafty grin. "...tell me yours first."

Link piped up immediately; anything to get things moving a little more quickly. "This is...er...Sheik...And my name is Link." Link placed one hand flat on his chest, to indicate himself.

The kid stared up at Link, frozen. When he did speak, it was in a soft, awe-filled tone. "You're Link?"

"Yeah..." Link looked down at the kid oddly.

Then, the Goron seemed to shake himself out of his trance by force of will. "You're _lying_! You're name's not really Link!"

Zelda grinned, "You know, that's exactly what I said."

"Yes," Link told him defensively, glaring back at Zelda, "It is."

"Nu-uh! I know everything about the _real_ Link! He _saved_ my people seven years ago!"

Link glared at the short little know-it-all with increasing annoyance. "Yeah." He deadpanned. "That, was me."

"Fine, then, what's the Hero-Link's shield look like?" The little one cried, certain of his victory.

Wordlessly, Link pulled his shield into view, smirked, then pointed at the Hylian crest emblazoned there.

The little Goron seemed taken aback by this, but nevertheless continued boldly. "...Well...What about the fairy? Link always had a..." The child trailed off uncertainly as Link pointed at Navi, flittering brightly over his head, as always. "Uh..."

Link smiled warmly at the kid...it was only natural to doubt these sorts of things. "...Yeah. I wear a green tunic, I have a fairy, I wield a sword that _he_," Link nudged his head in Sheik's direction. "Keeps telling me is the 'Master Sword.' I don't know a whole lot about being a 'Hero of Time' or whatever...but I _did_ come here seven years ago...and I _did_ save your people. Darunia is my friend...my...Brother, y'know?" Link grinned, remembering the frighteningly friendly Goron leader that had been so grateful for his help.

The little Goron swallowed reflexively, then nodded. "You really are him, aren't you?"

Link sighed, took off his hat, and ran one hand through his hair. _'Isn't that what I just said?'_ But then, he lifted his face to smile at the kid. "Yep!"

"...My dad said he named me after you," The little Goron said, suddenly shy. "My name's Link, too..."

"...What?" Sheik said into the awkward silence. "His name is '_Link?' _"

"I told you it wasn't a stupid name," Link told Sheik proudly.

"Whatever," Sheik huffed, standing up fully and crossing her...uh...his arms thoughtfully. "Look...er...'Link,' What happened here?"

"Yeah," Link agreed, turning again to his younger Goron counterpart. "Why's everything empty, what happened to everyone?"

---------------------

After the explanation, which was, in Link's opinion, far too long, little Link had escorted the two heros to the entrance of the throne-room of his father, that held the secret entrance to the Fire Temple. They, meaning Link, had levered aside the heavy stone chair to reveal the long, sloping tunnel behind. It was dark there, but a dull, reddish light was coming from somewhere ahead.

"So, basically," Link told his younger counterpart "The dragon-thingy stole everyone so that he could eat them."

"That's what I've been telling you for the past hour!" Goron-Link cried, throwing his hands into the air in exasperation.

"Dragons aren't thingies!" Sheik called back from her position ahead of the two boys. "And hurry up!"

"Uh," Link replied "You really _don't_ wanna do that..."

But, it was too late, Shiek had already stepped outside the tunnel's end, right into the fiery inferno of the temple proper. Undisturbed by the stunned looks and screams of the two Links, the disguised princess glared back at them annoyedly. "What are you two so excited about? It's just a little heat."

Link opened his mouth, shut it, then opened it again. "Your sleeve..."

Sheik blinked, glanced down at her sleeve, unconcerned, then back at Link. Then, she did a double-take and screeched in alarm. "Great Goddesses, I'm **on fire!**"

Link did his best not to burst into giggles and Sheik fled screaming into the cool darkness of the cave. The Sheikah threw her...himself to the floor and rolled around desperately. "Stop drop and roll! Stop drop and roll!"

"I probably should have said this before," The little Goron spoke up "I have some special gifts for you!"

Link wiped a little tear away from his eye, and turned to little Link with a grin. "Great! What d'ya got?"

"Clothes!" The little Goron held up two soft bundles. "A red tunic for you, Link-the-hero...and this Sheikah outfit I made...because I was bored." Link took the red tunic, gratefully. "I never really expected to get them to be used..."

"Wow," Link exclaimed, slipping the red tunic over his regular green one. "It fits!"

"Plus, they keep you from catching on fire!" The Goron added, happily.

Sheik, a bit singed and rather shaken, rolled into one of several cave-puddles made from dripping water from the ceiling, and by that putting herself out. "You might have..." Sheik broke off for a moment, panting heavily. "...told us _before_ this..."

"He means 'thank you' " Link told the little Goron, tossing the dry outfit to Sheik, who slipped it on happily. It was an interesting thing, identical to Sheiks original uniform in all ways...except that it was red where Sheik's former color scheme had been blue.

"Yes..." Sheik stood, ruffling the outfit to make it fit a little more comfortably...it really was cut for a man, and no matter what Sheik _looked_ like, he was still a woman under all that magic, and all the...body-shape that implied. "...Thank You."

So, fully equipped in flame-retardant material, Link and Zelda-as-Sheik made their way into the burning cavern of the Fire Temple. All was quiet, save the slow roar of the churning lava. As for lava, there was a lot of it. The fire temple was mostly rock-ledges suspended over a deep chasm...the very crater of the active volcano that was Death Mountain.

"I'm hot." Link mentioned, conversationally to Sheik.

"What..." Sheik looked at him, confused. "...Where in the heck did that come from! I'm mean sure, you're not _ugly_, but...that was incredibly random!"

"...Uh...No. I meant hot, like the temperature? Y'know...the gigantic flaming pits of flames we're walking over?" Link told his companion cheerfully.

"Oh, right." Sheik blushed self-consciously, grateful for the scarf-like bit that covered her face. "I knew that."

They came to a long bridge, it looked rickety and unstable, but there was no other way to continue, so Link just kept walking...until about midway...where the bridge's unsteady surface gave way to...nothing. The middle of the bridge was open, and Link peered over the edge thoughtfully. "How in the hell are we gonna get over _this_?"

"Don't be such a baby," Sheik sniffed an arrogant little sniff and leapt for the first of several horizontally-suspended bars, Link hadn't seen before. She caught it deftly in her hands, pulling her legs up under the pole in a way that screamed 'gymnastic confidence,' swung and pulled her legs up above the bar and _pushed_, flipping her body to next bar, then the next. It was all very smooth, and Link sighed at the lithe gyrations with only a twinge of jealousy. Sheik lit, almost birdlike on the final bar, then dropped into a short roll and a graceful, crouching stop, not on the bridge, but on the platform beyond it. She looked back in a way that was...very feminine, given her current male appearance, and Link seethed, glaring. Still stolid-faced, he lifted one hand, fired the long-shot and was pulled to Sheik's side in a much faster, if less acrobatic fashion. Swiftly tucking his long-shot away, Link muttered something along the lines of 'showoff.' Sheik only rolled her eyes and turned down the stone path. Link grumbled and followed, not even thinking about the last time he'd been here.

...At least, he forgot right up until the Fire-Keese reminded him by nearly setting his red Goron hat on fire. "Ah, Shit!" Link whipped out his sword, neatly slicing the pest in two pieces. "Stupid...things..." And then they were surrounded by the fiery little buggers, like a cloud of gnats around Link's head. He swung at them, taking down one at each swing, but there was always another bat-like creature to replace each one he killed. Smoothly, Sheik whipped her wrist spearing a Keese neatly on one of the hitherto-unseen kunai hidden in her bandaged sleeves. Before long, the creatures were all gasping out their last breaths on the rocks below.

"What kind of weird animals _were_ those things?" Sheik wondered, aloud.

"Keese," Link told her, matter-of-factly.

"Those," Sheik protested. "Were_ not_ normal Keese. They were on _fire_!"

"They were Fire-Keese, actually," Link grinned. "Makes perfect sense. They only like to live in places like this."

"...Thanks for the nature lesson, but aren't we supposed to be _saving_ someone?" Sheik motioned down the path, and the two began walking again.

A moment of lava-filled silence and Link spoke again. "So...where do those knife-thingies come from?"

"You mean my Kunai? They've always been there. A princess like me needs a little 'protection,' " Sheik stated primly. "What if Bandits kidnap me and try to have their wicked way with me?"

Link turned, walking backwards in front of Zelda. "...Seriously? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Who'd want to-" Link slapped him hands over his mouth, realizing what he was saying just _little_ to late to stop himself. "Uh...I mean..."

"Oh, well..." Sheik cracked her knuckles threateningly. "I didn't realize I was so repulsive to you!"

"No!" Link cried, "That's **not** what I meant! I mean...c'mon, you're totally a guy right now...why would they-oof!"

Link tripped over a slightly raised portion of stone, falling onto his back with a 'crack' of skull-meeting-floor. "...owww..."

"You deserved that," Zelda told him, stepping easily over the protrusion that had tripped Link. It was, in fact, the round Triforce-stone for the Temple, and it directly preceded the entrance to the inner sanctum; the true Fire Temple.

"Stu..." Link began, then stopped. "Er...hey, look...the Triforce! _Yipee_?"

Zelda face-palmed with a sigh. "Let's just keep moving, alright?"

And so, they set off into the Fire Temple. It was a Labyrinthine lava-filled cavern, filled with many enemies and booby traps of all kinds. Most of them seemed to involve large boulders meant to crush the unwary explorer. It was a long time before they took a break from simply trying to survive.

"_Why_ is this _place_ filled with _**GIANT ROLLING ROCKS**!_" Zelda cried, exasperated.

Link, less tired than Zelda if slightly more bedraggled sighed at her. "Stop whining! We're almost there...probably."

"Well, I'm glad to have your _expert_ opinion on..." Sheik snapped as they rounded a corner, into a room filled with...cages. "Oh, my..."

"The Gorons!" Link cried happily, rushing to try the locks on the nearest cage.

The Gorons, who had seemed as unresponsive as the stones they ate suddenly stirred at the sight of their village's greatest hero. One of them spoke up. "It's Link! The great hero! We're saved! Everybody DANCE!"

And they might have, if Link hadn't held up his arms to stop them. "_No_, don't do that! You aren't out...yet..."

Sheik came up behind him. "Don't worry, we'll get you out...we promise!"

"Right," Link gritted, becoming frustrated.

"You know, I could just-" Zelda-as-Sheik began, then Link raised his sword and struck the stubborn lock with the pommel of his sword, breaking the lock forcefully from the door. "...pick the lock. Or that works, I guess...men..."

"I'd point out the irony, " Link sighed, helping a goron out of the cramped cage, "But I won't."

Zelda would have snapped a come-back at him, except that, at that moment, an Elderly Goron carrying a large, wrapped, something came up to Link.

"Hero," She said. "I am Dorin, the wife of Chief Darunia. I wish to give you this gift, an ancient Goron weapon...our greatest treasure. I think that you will need it, in your battles ahead." With that, she handed him the package. It was large, and though she held it as if it weighed nothing, it was s heavy that Link, not expecting it, staggered for a moment.

"...Thank you. It's an honor to be trusted by your people." He bowed as well as he could carrying such a heavy object, then pointed in the direction that he and Shiek had come. "You ought to be safe on your way out. We cleared the Temple of danger on our way in. Stay together and it will be alright."

The Goron nodded and set off with the rest of her clan. "Good Luck, hero." Link waved at her gratefully.

"Okay...Let's see what we got..." Link pulled away the cloth covering from the gift. "Oh, wow...it really is the treasure of the Gorons! Dude!" Link held out a gigantic metal Hammer for Shiek to see. One end of the head was wide and flat, the other protruding into a rounded point, the whole thing half as tall as Link and very heavy. It gleamed brightly even in the dim red glow of the ever-present magma flow.

"O_o_h..." Navy Jingled appreciatively. "It's shiny."

"What was that?" Zelda asked Link. "That was almost _heroic_ back there..."

"Eh, whatever..." Link sighed, blushing slightly. "Let's keep moving."

"Wait!" Zelda cried, chasing after him as he walked quickly towards the far end of the cavern...the entrance to the 'Dragon's Lair,' the innermost part of the Fire Temple. "You can't get away with that! Why is your face red, huh? Get back here!"

And so, they both made their way, unknowingly, into the fiery jaws of Fate.

------------To Be Continued-----------

**GOS: **Ha! I bet you didn't think that we were going to put those quotes in it, huh? But we did so HAHAHA!


	14. Crouching Hero, Hidden

**GOS: **Wow, two real chapters in like... how long? Chapter 13 is on it's way very, very, very soon. Meaning today if we don't get distracted by something stupid like Soul Cal III.

**Shrimpy: **Well, it's short...cry me a river, build me a bridge, and then get over it! We're giving you twice the romance per chapter...and hey, maybe you could do me a favor and review each chapter of this super-duper-three-chapter-update sepratly? Pretty please? ...pwease?

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**Chapter 12: **

**Crouching Hero, Hidden...**

Silence.

Well, not precisely Silence, but an Ominous gurgling filled the air...the slow bubbling of Magma sifting over the protrusions and gullies of the walls. Flowing endlessly downward from the ceiling, puddling 'round the edges of the rounded dais at the center of the enclosure. The very center of Death Mountain, the Dragon's Lair.

The heart of the Temple.

Zelda and link stumbled awkwardly into the room, Zelda still chattering, then stopped, impressed into silence by the overbearing presence of the room, the fire-song and quiet...Link shifted quietly into battle-stance, Hammer already in hand, shield strapped firmly to his back.

A series of shallow lava-pits...or at least they seemed to be shallow burbled peacefully in front of them. Quiet continued, tense and impatient, just waiting for some trigger to bring about certain doom.

"Where's the Dragon?" Shiek wondered aloud, and Link put out a warning hand to silence her, then went back to tensely staring at the lava.

A moment more of tense quiet, then suddenly the Magma exploded in a shower of sparks and gobbets of molten rock.

_**"SCREEEEE-AAAAAAAAHH!"**_

At first the creature was indiscernible from it's fiery home. Then, as it rose, screeching it's fury, the flames of it's body separated from the flames of it's home. It was a frightening monster, all horns-of-flame and furious, glowing eyes. It's face shone black, a mask of obsidian stone. It circled once through the heat-seared air of the chamber, claws held wide in clear challenge, then dove again into the lava from whence it had come, screaming a ferocious battle-cry.

"Well, at least we know where the dragon is...right?" Link whispered, sweating both from the rising heat and the nearness of the inevitable fight.

Shiek nodded tersely, peering nervously around the chamber. "Link, behind you!"

Link whirled, the lava behind him bubbling and bulging, then bursting forth, all angry dragon and flying bits of flame. The dragon roared and made a swipe at the hero, who was knocked to his knees. He stood, quickly, and made a sluggish effort at striking it with the hammer. The dragon arced heatedly over his head and into another of the lava-pits, unscathed.

"Link! He was right _there_!" Zelda cried, outraged. "How could you _miss?_"

"Hey! This thing is heavier than it looks," Link shouted back. "My timing's off!"

"Well, fix it...here it comes again!"

The dragon's roar echoed from the magma-encased walls again, rushing in a blurred moment to strike at Link with flame-lit jaws held wide.

"Link!" Shiek shouted, desperately pitching a needle-like blade at the beast...Link would very quickly be missing a vital portion of his torso if those teeth sank into him, and there was no chance of him dodging in time. Luck, or skill, was with her and the needle struck the only vulnerable part it could have; the eye. Link let out a battle-cry of his own, bringing the hammer 'round in a ponderous-seeming side-swipe that knocked the dragon to his right. It screeched in pain and reared up, spouting fire from it's jaws in a wide plume. Fire touched his skin, and Link shouted in pain, half-running, half-falling backwards out of the beasts range.

Crouching warily, he took a moment to breath and kill the fire smoldering on his sleeve, then looked at Shiek. "Thanks...that was pretty smart."

"You're burned!"

"Don't worry about that now!" Link tensed as the Dragon sent another spout of flame licking towards him, unsuccessfully. Chagrined, the monster screeched again, then began moving, serpentine-style, towards one of the ever-menacing pits. "How can we beat it if it keeps going into the Lava?"

The beast snorted another flame, then slipped menacingly into the magma below. Quiet resumed, tense and dangerous; there was no telling when nor where it might return. Shiek thought for a moment, knowing that it would attack Link and ignore her, infuriated by him as it now was. Knowing, too, that it was unlikely that he could survive such an attack without help, burdened by the slowing weight of the hammer as he was.

"Link, I have an idea," She cried. "You just hit it when it comes close, leave the rest to me!"

"Whatever you say!" The hero returned, ready to take any suggestion that didn't end with him dead.

The dragon took that moment to erupt from the magma at the far end of the room. It soared vertically, looping toward Link through the air, far beyond his reach. It meant to kill him from above, never coming to where it was in danger. Shiek swiftly unwound the bandages from her sleeves, letting them fall into a lengthy rope pooled at her feet. A flick of the wrist and a burst of magic, and the bandages were no longer cloth, but chains of steel, which the disguised princess whirled expertly in both hands, then sent flying towards the fierce visage of the monster speeding towards them.

A hit! The chains wrapped snugly around the dragons horns and neck, melted only slightly by the heat from within the beast. Two steps to the right, and a fierce tug...and the dragons was forced by the taut pressure of the chain into an unwilling arc, like a horse being broken to saddle, or a fish caught on a line. It swooped down, surprised yet resistant to Zelda's attack, right into Link's striking range. Link lifted the hammer above his head, the brought it down onto the head of the dragon with all his weight behind it.

Zelda released her magic, and her chains snapped back into place, as bandages on her arms, with an elastic sort of sound. Halfway across the cavern, Link stood over the cracked skull of the unconscious menace, dropped the hammer beside him and unsheathed his master sword. Framed by the glow of the magma in front of him, he seemed a black silhouette to Zelda. Quickly he removed the Dragons head, and was rewarded when it melted into nothing more than black-burned bones and quickly-congealing molten rock.

He sighed and stood, sword in hand...suddenly heroic like that, shadowed by the light as she watched him. He turned to look at her, and his eyes were calm and unafraid...he might as have just been chopping wood for all the fear he showed. A shiver of awe slid up Sheik's spine as she thought. _'He's so...amazing, sometimes. I wish...'_

But her line of thought was cut off, as Link let out a low grunt and fell to one knee, sword clattering noisily to the rocky floor. "...Gah...hurts..." He clutched at his left leg, which was not only burnt but bleeding...a strange and frightening combination of red and coal-black that made the wound seem even worse than it was. His left arm and side were burned as well, blackened from hip to ribs and wrist to elbow, but it didn't seem to be as painful. "Damn...I forgot how much being burned _hurts_..."

Zelda rushed to his side, putting her arm around him supportingly, under his good shoulder. "Lean on me..."

Link nodded, gritting his teeth, too distracted by his pain to realize just _how_ close that simple motion brought their faces together. "...Sword..." He muttered. "...Hammer. Don't leave them..."

Zelda nodded, setting him down. Quickly, she sheathed the Master-sword in Link's scabbard, and stared at the Hammer, at a loss with what to do about the heavy weapon.

"You _could_ always shrink it, y'know," Navi jingled, emerging from her hiding place.

"Where...were you...when I was..._ow_...getting hurt?" Link grumbled painfully.

"Hiding!" Navi shouted, fluttering right into Link's face. "Or maybe I can just kill the dragon with my 'magic fairy-lasers!' Geez!"

Link glared with gritted teeth at the Fairy, but it was Shiek, not he, who spoke up. "Leave him alone! He just killed a Dragon and got severely hurt, so just _shut up_!" Link stared at her, then grinned a one-sided grin.

Navi fell silent, fluttering in annoyed circles around Link's head. Shiek nodded, then opened glowing palms in preparation to transform into her natural, feminine form. A flash of light, a fresh breeze and a bright burst of magic later, Zelda the woman stood in front of them, dressed in the red version of the Sheikah outfit. It had not been a part of the magic of the original transformation, and so had not reverted when she had canceled that magic. It was...rather tight, and showed off her...anatomy...impressively. Link bit his lip to keep from saying something that would get him punched on top of everything else.

Quickly, Zelda pulled a blue gem from some hidden pocket or another and concentrated her magic within it. Chanting a complicated verse that, though unintelligible, was very melodic to Link's ears, she pressed the gem to the shining surface of the hammer. Another flash of magic and the gem was set in the dense metal as if it had been forged that way. A touch and a word and the hammer shrunk, like Zelda's spell-book, into a size that was easy to carry. She pocketed it, and with another dazzling display of magic became Sheik again.

"...Cool..." Link commented. "But...why'd you..." He hissed softly as she helped him to his feet again, limping towards the now-visible vortex that had formed upon the dragon's death. "...turn inta...a girl?"

"It's hard to do two kinds of magic at once...especially when one of them is really complex, like changing the way I look. Besides, that permanent shrinking-magic is dangerous. I don't want to make a mistake and end up hurting myself, especially when I have to take care of you."

Navi made a disgusted jingling noise as they entered the vortex and were lifted to the Chamber of Sages.

----------To Be Continued----------


	15. Duet

**GOS: **LOOK! One more chapter is up! I hope this will make up for the total lack of chapters for the past few months. Oh, and I would like to mention to the few loonies who keep re-reading chapter twelve, you're really messing up the stats. Print it out or something for the love of the Goddesses! But we love ya! -huggles-

**Shrimpy: **I wrote the part where he says he first fell in love! I feel so cheesy. I wrote more than that, of course, but that's the only part I'm claiming. It's so nice to know you guys are still reading our story even though we were gone forever...We'd be nothing without you! Hmm...I just realized...We've taken thirteen chapters to get past two temples. This is going to be hooge.

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**Chapter 13:**

**Duet**

The chamber of sages was brighter than before, lit by the gently pulsing glow of three pedestals of the Sages now, rather than just the two that had been doing so before. It was silent and peaceful, and Link slumped heavily against Shiek in relief. The pedestal of Fire was occupied now by a wide and round figure who laughed gregariously at seeing Link, who despite his pained and bleeding state grinned lopsidedly at his old friend.

"Brother!" Darunia shouted a loud welcome, slapping his knees good-naturedly. His arms were like tree-trunks.

"It's good...t'see ya again...brother..." Link said, haltingly; the pain was distracting to say the least, and he was having a difficult time staying awake through the agony. Zelda, still disguised as Shiek, lowered him gently to the marble floor of the center dais.

"Normally I would give you a great _big_ hug!" Darunia exclaimed enthusiastically, "But it doesn't look like you're up to it, Brother! You take this medallion, and I'll stay here in the chamber."

The Goron Chieftain flipped a shining red coin at Sheik, who caught it without moving from her crouched position of support at Link's side. "I'm hoping for your victory, Brother! And thanks, for saving my people yet again!" With a bow and a bright flash, Sheik and Zelda found themselves sitting, exhausted in the center of the Volcano, on a round pedestal emblazoned with the Triforce. Link went suddenly limp.

"Link!" Sheik cried, real concern in her face and voice. "Link, please don't die!"

"M'sorry..." He mumbled, lips barely moving. "...Think m'gonna...pass out..."

And so, he did. The Hero didn't see anything but blackness for what seemed like forever until he woke to the Princess splashing cool water on his arm and side, trying to sooth the angry burns there. Link moaned in pain, but didn't move. Zelda looked up at his face, instantly attentive.

"Link?" She inquired softly, trying not to wake him if he were still out of it, else to be gentle if he were not. "Are you awake?"

"...Yeah...not too happy about it..." He cracked open an eye, turning his head to take in his surroundings. They were in the cave-entryway between the secret Throne-Room entrance and the way into the Fire Temple. Zelda was both female and dressed in a stripped-down version of her usual gown. It was both thinner and looser than the original article, making for something that was much cooler for the wearer. The Goron-clothing was laying crumpled against the wall. "Hey...You're a girl..." He smiled softly up at her, trying to move as little as possible as he breathed.

"How are you feeling?" She asked gently. "You got beat up pretty bad."

"I'm not doin' so good, but I'll live." Link winced as the cold water dripped across a particularly sensitive exposed nerve. "...maybe."

"I feel really bad...I should have done more to help you! I should have..." Zelda twisted a section of her skirt in her hands guiltily. "You're always the one in danger while I just...support you. You're saving my kingdom, and I want to do more to help. It's...my desire to help you," She said innocently, leaning over him earnestly. "...I want to help."

Links eyes went wide, and he gasped, despite the continued pain. Zelda probably didn't realize that as she leaned forward she was showing Link more and more of her...chest...but Link was _certainly_ aware of that little detail. His face went red and his mind went to the gutter. _'Oh, my god...she's not going to do something like **that **for real...is she?'_ He squeezed his eyes shut, face blossoming impressively.

Then, he felt a sensation which was at once numbing and soothing...and the pain in his side, arm and leg lifted with a feeling that was much like lifting a weight from them. Involuntarily he sighed, muscles tensed from the pain, relaxing comfortably. "Oh..." He mumbled, opening his eyes.

Zelda was still leaned over him, hands hovering over his wounds, glowing with healing magic. Her eyes were closed in concentration, so it surprised Link when she spoke. "I can't really heal them, I'm still learning...but I can hold back the pain for a while...When we get back into town, I'm sure we can find a trained healer to fix you...before we leave, that is."

Link nodded appreciatively, masking his slight disappointment in the outcome of that little encounter. "...Thanks. It's not easy to fake like you care when everything hurts like that."

Zelda opened her eyes, and the glow faded from her hands. Link winced, bracing himself for the return of the pain. It didn't, and he relaxed again. Zelda grinned. "It'll last about a day, Kappa-boy..."

Normally this would have had Link up in arms, but the way she had said it...it had sounded fond, almost an endearment. So, he let it slide, gingerly levering himself onto his feet with one hand. "Okay...We better go say 'hi' to a bunch of Gorons and get out of here. You don't want to be around when they break out the alcoholic drinks."

Zelda nodded and grabbed his knee to keep him from moving. "Let me wrap your leg first...you're still bleeding a little."

...A few moments and a bandage later, Zelda and Link made an appearance to a great crowd of cheering Goron. It took more than a few hours for them to push past the great celebrating throng of rock-eaters towards the door and their packs. The two had already begun to shoulder their burdens and be on their way when there was a great call for music.

Zelda looked at Link, puzzled, and he flushed and laughed, holding his arms up good-naturedly. "Brothers, Sisters! I couldn't possibly-" But he was cut off by a wave of shouts for 'the forest song' Link laughed, and Zelda smiled at his easy-going way of fitting in here.

"Alright..._Alright_! I'll play it!" A great cheer went up and Zelda looked sharply at him.

"Play?" She asked him softly.

"There's a song Saria taught me a long time ago...I'm not very good, but...they like it!" Link rummaged quickly in his bag before producing a scruffy-looking green Ocarina. "It's not hard..." Link hummed the first few bars to her. "...You can play countermelody, right? Play with me?" He smiled.

Zelda nodded decidedly, retrieving her own smooth and well-kept ocarina. The two of them took a place on a ledge above the crowd. The Gorons cheered and whistled, turning expectant faces up towards the two.

And then, they began.

In retrospect, Link never could remember how he had played, or if he made any mistakes...or if Zelda started playing by the second or third repetition. All he knew is that at some point he opened his eyes to find himself looking at the Princess with new eyes as they played the sprightly duet. She truly was beautiful, and although he wouldn't figure it out until much, _much_ later...it was that moment when he really fell in love, for the first time.

--------------------

...of course the Gorons insisted on them playing it again...and then another song...then _another_. It was past Midnight when they finally managed to escape.

"Please! As the heros, you simply _must_ stay the night!" A loud Goron woman exclaimed, looming over the two as they tried to make good their escape.

"It's alright," Link told her, smiling in a friendly way. "We have soft beds waiting for us down below!"

"**_Non_sense**!" Cried the Goron, thumping them both enthusiastically on the back, sending both Link and Zelda to the floor. "I _insist _you stay!"

"Okay," He gasped from the floor, all breath knocked out of him.

And so they spent the night on hard rock slabs...'softest shale in town,' or so they were told. It was an uncomfortable and difficult way to spend the night.

But, then again, who can resist the eager hospitality of the Goron?

------------To Be Continued------------


End file.
